This is completely unacceptable! This has been the longest I believe I have ever gone without blogging! Well hopefully that will not be the case this year. One of my goals for this year (I make goals for the new year instead of resolutions) is to blog at least twice a month. I want to stay in better contact with the people in my life. So I will try my hardest to be committed to this.
I had a busy fall. I submitted my questions for commissioning the day before my birthday. I am supposed to meet with the board of ordained ministry sometime between February 7 and 9 to interview. Then I should find out if I will be commissioned in June. It sure was a relief to get all that stuff done, and I felt pretty good about most of it. I also had my second charge conference in October and it went well. And then it was time to get ready to celebrate the holiday season, and boy, did we ever have a busy one! But it was very nice and very enjoyable.
On Thanksgiving, I got pretty sick. In fact, we left my mom's early because I was flushed, nauseous, light-headed and had a horrible headache. One week later, on December 1, I turned a pregnancy test positive! Matt and I are having a baby! I suspected I might be. One test before that was negative and another one looked like it might want to turn positive, but I was unsure. It was wonderful to wake Matt up that morning (he works 2nd shift now), and say "hey, look at this!" We are so excited. But I am a little nervous given my last experience.
We told Matt's parents and my sister. I had a plan to tell my parents in a different way. I ordered Josh a shirt that said "I have a secret" on the front, and on the back it says "I'm going to be a big brother." I figured my mom would like that. I knew it would be hard to win her over after my last experience. She thinks I can't handle being pregnant. Well, our plans changed on December 8. I started bleeding and cramping. We went to spend about 9 hours in the ER just to find out my pregnancy hormone levels were low and I could be miscarrying. My appointment with my OB was for the 12th. I was put on bedrest for the weekend, and I worried. I had to tell my parents then because we needed them to keep Josh. I couldn't lift him.
At my OB appointment on the 12th, we found out that there was no pregnancy in my uterus on the 8th, but she found it on the 12th. She took blood to test my hormone levels on Monday and I went back that Wednesday for more blood work. My pregnancy hormone continued to rise, which is what we wanted. We set an appointment for January 3 for another ultrasound. She said if there was no heartbear we would know where the pregnancy is headed. On January 3rd (also Matt's and my anniversary) we went to the OB. The ultrasound showed a baby that had started to look like a baby, and right away we found the heartbeat. I was so relieved! Thank God! I was measuring right about 9 weeks. That surprised my OB because she was expecting me to measure younger/earlier than what we initially thought (based on my cycle), but I really was only about 4-5 days off from counting from the first day of my last period. But we found the baby and the heartbeat and that is all that matters! My tentative due date is around August 9.
We are so excited and a little nervous at the same time. But we know God is in control. We were not actively trying. I felt that if God wanted me to have another biological child, he was going to have to make it happen. I feel much different about this pregnancy. Even though I had never been pregnant before, during my last pregnancy, something felt off the whole time. It didn't feel right, and it didn't surprise me that something was wrong. But this one feels much different, and no matter what, God is in control. We will most likely delivery Baby Baird 2 via c-section, even if he/she does not come early. I have a 70 -75% chance of having a successful vaginal delivery, but there is still that chance that I could have a uterine rupture and end up getting an emergency c-section anyway. Doing it this way, we can schedule our c-section (unless it comes early), know when the baby is coming, go in early in the morning and have a baby a few hours later. I like that. Plus having a c-section will allow my OB to deliver me instead of going back to a big practice that keeps a doctor in the hospital.
Those of you who know me well, or who have read my blogs, know I was upset about what I missed last time. Joshua was born at 33 1/2 weeks. I had started to dilate and efface, but no active labor. My water never broke. I had to have a c-section. And then I left my baby in the hospital for 37 days. I was sad and angry. But since then I have heard several people say I should be thankful I missed labor. I am still sad about missing out on natural birth, but I have had one c-section so I know what to expect. This time I plan to pick up some of the things I missed last time, while not being bitter about the c-section. I hope to give birth to a normal sized child as close to term as possible. And my other goal is to leave the hospital this summer with my newborn in my arms. I do not want to miss any of the firsts I missed while Josh was in the hospital. I don't want another child to have to be poked and prodded because of preeclampsia. I hope to follow my birth plan this time. But even if it doesn't work out the way I want it to, I know God is in control. He took care of Joshua and he will take care of our new angel.
I would appreciate your prayers throughout my pregnancy. So far, I have no symptoms of preeclampsia. It is early yet, but in my last pregnancy I had my first UTI by now. Please pray that no matter what we will have a healthy baby. Thank you!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Friday, September 9, 2011
I'm Back!
Wow!! It has been a million years since I have been here to write. Well, it feels like a million years. But have no fear, I have returned! I will be more conscious about having regular updates.
Where do I even begin? A lot has been going on. That is why I have not written. Right after Memorial Day, I began my summer intensive unit of CPE (hospital chaplaincy) as part of my education. I have already finished school, but CPE is the last thing standing in the way of ordination, although I did need to be commissioned first. I kind of did things backward, and I was running out of time so I needed to get my CPE unit in. I wasn't expecting to do it over the summer, but an opportunity presented itself and it just seemed perfect. Everything fell into place. I love it when God opens doors like that! So anyway, my CPE unit required basically 40 hours a week, on top of me being a pastor. So any free time I had was for me and I didn't do any writing. But now it is completed and I am relieved to have it done.
Josh has been growing like a weed. He is now over 3 feet tall and weighs around 29 pounds. It is hard to believe he will be 2 in less than 2 months! Ahhhh!!! Where does the time go? I am already starting to plan his second birthday party, and it is just as fun as the last one. Knowing I have a child that is practically 2, it feels like just about the right time to add to our family. Matt and I are starting to discuss it, and we feel like that may be something that will be coming in the near future!
If you remember (if I talked about it on here) Josh got sick for the first time in April with strep throat. They said at that appointment his ears looked kind of bad. Well, Josh has been fighting ear infections and strep throat since then. We have been to the doctor 6 times I think. It has been rough, and we are sick of it. We went to the ENT on August 26, and found out that Josh will be having surgery on September 26 to have tubes put in his ears and his tonsils and adenoids removed. I am very nervous and worried, but relieved that the doctor told me this is a 15 minute surgery. I imagine I will be a wreck the day of. But then it will be over and behind us. Then we will be able to move on with a healthy little boy!
I had surgery myself on August 29. I had been having some stomach issues. After a trip to the ER when I was in excruciating pain, we found out that I had like 5-6 gallstones. The doctor said the best way to deal with it would be for me to have surgery. So I had surgery 11 days ago, and am feeling much better now. I haven't had any of those horrible painful attacks since, and I can eat the things I want. Yay! And the surgery itself wasn't that bad at all. I would do it again if I had to, knowing the difference it made.
The next several weeks will be particularly busy for me. I am going through the process of commissioning in the UMC. I am hoping to be commissioned next June. Part of the process of being commissioned is presenting a sermon, doing a Bible Study, and answering 17 questions. I am done with the sermon. I have about a third of the questions done, but I haven't even began the Bible Study. I am just in the thinking stages on the study. Thank goodness I have until October 21 (the day before my birthday). But it also is the season of charge conference, and my charge conference is October 12. There is a bunch of work to be done to prepare for that. So I will be busy, but I will try to find the time to update, hopefully weekly. Until next time!
Where do I even begin? A lot has been going on. That is why I have not written. Right after Memorial Day, I began my summer intensive unit of CPE (hospital chaplaincy) as part of my education. I have already finished school, but CPE is the last thing standing in the way of ordination, although I did need to be commissioned first. I kind of did things backward, and I was running out of time so I needed to get my CPE unit in. I wasn't expecting to do it over the summer, but an opportunity presented itself and it just seemed perfect. Everything fell into place. I love it when God opens doors like that! So anyway, my CPE unit required basically 40 hours a week, on top of me being a pastor. So any free time I had was for me and I didn't do any writing. But now it is completed and I am relieved to have it done.
Josh has been growing like a weed. He is now over 3 feet tall and weighs around 29 pounds. It is hard to believe he will be 2 in less than 2 months! Ahhhh!!! Where does the time go? I am already starting to plan his second birthday party, and it is just as fun as the last one. Knowing I have a child that is practically 2, it feels like just about the right time to add to our family. Matt and I are starting to discuss it, and we feel like that may be something that will be coming in the near future!
If you remember (if I talked about it on here) Josh got sick for the first time in April with strep throat. They said at that appointment his ears looked kind of bad. Well, Josh has been fighting ear infections and strep throat since then. We have been to the doctor 6 times I think. It has been rough, and we are sick of it. We went to the ENT on August 26, and found out that Josh will be having surgery on September 26 to have tubes put in his ears and his tonsils and adenoids removed. I am very nervous and worried, but relieved that the doctor told me this is a 15 minute surgery. I imagine I will be a wreck the day of. But then it will be over and behind us. Then we will be able to move on with a healthy little boy!
I had surgery myself on August 29. I had been having some stomach issues. After a trip to the ER when I was in excruciating pain, we found out that I had like 5-6 gallstones. The doctor said the best way to deal with it would be for me to have surgery. So I had surgery 11 days ago, and am feeling much better now. I haven't had any of those horrible painful attacks since, and I can eat the things I want. Yay! And the surgery itself wasn't that bad at all. I would do it again if I had to, knowing the difference it made.
The next several weeks will be particularly busy for me. I am going through the process of commissioning in the UMC. I am hoping to be commissioned next June. Part of the process of being commissioned is presenting a sermon, doing a Bible Study, and answering 17 questions. I am done with the sermon. I have about a third of the questions done, but I haven't even began the Bible Study. I am just in the thinking stages on the study. Thank goodness I have until October 21 (the day before my birthday). But it also is the season of charge conference, and my charge conference is October 12. There is a bunch of work to be done to prepare for that. So I will be busy, but I will try to find the time to update, hopefully weekly. Until next time!
Friday, May 13, 2011
A Long, Overdue Update
I am sorry it has been so long since I have written. I feel like it has been a hundred and ten years since I last filled you in on what is going on in the life of the Bairds. I have enough information to probably fill four posts, but my first post will be about my favorite subject, my little boy.
Joshua was 18 months old on May 1st, 2011. Wow! Where has the time gone? I can't believe my little monkey boy is a year and a half old! I still remember the little 3 pound 7 ounce little boy who entered my world six 1/2 weeks early on November 1, 2009. In some ways that feels like yesterday, but other times it feels like forever ago. He is not that little boy anymore! And my little boy is becoming a big boy. He is like a little adult. He can do so much! He can run now!
We went to his 18 month check-up on May 6. We got a great report! Preemies have an adjusted age that typically disappears by the time most babies are two. Josh's adjusted age is gone now! That means I no longer have to subtract 6 1/2 weeks to find out where Josh is. My little preemie has come so far! And he is so smart. His height is in the 93 percentile (thanks, Matthew), and his weight is in the 67 percentile. Josh is taller than his cousin Dylan who is 4 months older. And Josh also has a very large foot (thanks again Daddy!). I am so thankful for such a good report.
Josh got sick for the first time in April. We took him to the doctor April 3 and he had strep throat. They put him on antibiotics for 7 days. I guess they didn't give him enough or a strong enough antibiotic because we were back at the doctor around the 19th or 20th of April. Josh had a rebound sinus infection. But he got through that and is doing wonderful. I can't believe after everything we went through at the beginning of his life, that he waited 17 months to get his first real sickness. Way to go Josh!
That's about all I have to say about Josh! He is doing great and we are so blessed and lucky to have him. After everything we have been through, I can't imagine not ever appreciating and being eternally thankful for my little miracle from God! I may write another blog post tonight, if not, I will update this weekend. Until next time, take care!
Joshua was 18 months old on May 1st, 2011. Wow! Where has the time gone? I can't believe my little monkey boy is a year and a half old! I still remember the little 3 pound 7 ounce little boy who entered my world six 1/2 weeks early on November 1, 2009. In some ways that feels like yesterday, but other times it feels like forever ago. He is not that little boy anymore! And my little boy is becoming a big boy. He is like a little adult. He can do so much! He can run now!
We went to his 18 month check-up on May 6. We got a great report! Preemies have an adjusted age that typically disappears by the time most babies are two. Josh's adjusted age is gone now! That means I no longer have to subtract 6 1/2 weeks to find out where Josh is. My little preemie has come so far! And he is so smart. His height is in the 93 percentile (thanks, Matthew), and his weight is in the 67 percentile. Josh is taller than his cousin Dylan who is 4 months older. And Josh also has a very large foot (thanks again Daddy!). I am so thankful for such a good report.
Josh got sick for the first time in April. We took him to the doctor April 3 and he had strep throat. They put him on antibiotics for 7 days. I guess they didn't give him enough or a strong enough antibiotic because we were back at the doctor around the 19th or 20th of April. Josh had a rebound sinus infection. But he got through that and is doing wonderful. I can't believe after everything we went through at the beginning of his life, that he waited 17 months to get his first real sickness. Way to go Josh!
That's about all I have to say about Josh! He is doing great and we are so blessed and lucky to have him. After everything we have been through, I can't imagine not ever appreciating and being eternally thankful for my little miracle from God! I may write another blog post tonight, if not, I will update this weekend. Until next time, take care!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A Decision
A decision has been made! If you know me well you know that I can be pretty indecisive, so the fact that I have made a decision is along the lines of witnessing a miracle. And if I don't change my mind a million times (which I am a woman so I am entitled to), that is even more miraculous.
I think Matt and I will be expanding our family in the near future. A couple of weeks ago, I thought I was pregnant (although that would have been an accident). I can sympathize with what it feels like to be pregnant when you don't want to be. That's what happened with Josh, but not in the scared, unmarried teenage girl kind of way. But I think any unplanned pregnancy can be scary. Matt and I had been married 3 months when we found out we were pregnant. And I know what it feels like to think you could be pregnant and then are relieved to find out you are not. Matt and I had an instance like that when Josh was about 8 months old. But this time it was not like that. I cried when I found out I wasn't, and it wasn't the happy kind of tears. That kind of let me know that it might be time for us.
And then last week, Josh started walking for good. He has been walking since early December, but last week he decided that walking is the best mode of transportation. He barely crawls anymore. Prior to now it was like he was pretty unsteady walking so crawling was more efficient, but now the opposite is true. I wanted Josh to be walking before we had another. I also would like him to be potty-trained. When I did the math, if I got pregnant in April, if I carried full term this time, Josh would be around 27 months old when the new addition arrives. He could be potty-trained!
I am still seeking God's advice, but I know if it happens then it is time and we are ready! I don't feel near as scared as I have been in the past. I know it is in God's hands. I trust God to deliver us a healthy baby full term, regardless of the odds. And if the new baby comes early, I trust God to take care of Josh's sibling just like He took care of Josh! Please pray for us as we decide about adding to our family.
I think Matt and I will be expanding our family in the near future. A couple of weeks ago, I thought I was pregnant (although that would have been an accident). I can sympathize with what it feels like to be pregnant when you don't want to be. That's what happened with Josh, but not in the scared, unmarried teenage girl kind of way. But I think any unplanned pregnancy can be scary. Matt and I had been married 3 months when we found out we were pregnant. And I know what it feels like to think you could be pregnant and then are relieved to find out you are not. Matt and I had an instance like that when Josh was about 8 months old. But this time it was not like that. I cried when I found out I wasn't, and it wasn't the happy kind of tears. That kind of let me know that it might be time for us.
And then last week, Josh started walking for good. He has been walking since early December, but last week he decided that walking is the best mode of transportation. He barely crawls anymore. Prior to now it was like he was pretty unsteady walking so crawling was more efficient, but now the opposite is true. I wanted Josh to be walking before we had another. I also would like him to be potty-trained. When I did the math, if I got pregnant in April, if I carried full term this time, Josh would be around 27 months old when the new addition arrives. He could be potty-trained!
I am still seeking God's advice, but I know if it happens then it is time and we are ready! I don't feel near as scared as I have been in the past. I know it is in God's hands. I trust God to deliver us a healthy baby full term, regardless of the odds. And if the new baby comes early, I trust God to take care of Josh's sibling just like He took care of Josh! Please pray for us as we decide about adding to our family.
Monday, March 21, 2011
My Wonderful Children
Children? Hmm...children? Did you just misspeak? No, that I did not do. And no, I am not pregnant. I teach a group of sixth grade girls on Wednesday mornings (they probably wouldn't like to be called children). Here in the town where I live the elementary school takes part in a program called Release Time Christian Education. Elementary students in 4th, 5th, and 6th grades are released from class for 50 minutes once a week to get Bible instruction. Now before anyone has a cow: parents have to sign the children up for the program, and it is taught at a local church so the children are not taught religion at school and it is not done without parental knowledge and approval.
As I mentioned, I teach a group of sixth grade girls. Boys and girls are taught separately. 4th graders learn the first half of the Old Testament, 5th graders learn the second half, and 6th graders focus on the New Testament. The town where I live in South Carolina was the first in the state to do this program! It has been going on for a long time! We have 22 weeks with these kids. Not a lot of time when you think about it. And we have missed several days due to weather. And several of my girls missed instruction time due to sickness.
This week will be our last week for the school year. It is bittersweet. I have enjoyed teaching these girls. They will graduate from this program Wednesday after spending three years learning the Old Testament and New Testament. I wish some of them new what an accomplishment this was! And I bet at some point some of these students will have wished they paid better attention. What an advantage these kids have! This instruction is an asset!
I have taken this job seriously and have enjoyed it. I hope I have been a good teacher for these girls. And I hope I have taught them as much as they have taught me. Isn't it funny how it works like that? It seems to me in ministry or teaching situations, that I always learn a lot from those I am supposed to be teaching!
Before I close, I want to share something from the girls a couple weeks ago. We were talking about the book of James. There is so much rich material in that book. I was sharing with the girls about listening and speaking. A good section of James addresses this. It speaks about being quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to become angry. The author of this book also tells us that the tongue can do damage like a forest fire, and that "with the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness." On that same class day we were talking about 1st Peter. 1st Peter tells us such things as be respectful to everyone, don't retaliate, don't repay evil with evil, and don't insult people because they insult you. So I was sharing these things with the girls. I think this is an important area for teenagers. They definitely need to think about how they treat others and about the words they use.
After talking to them, before I allowed them to ask questions, it was weighing heavy on me that we are all guilty of that. We all need to be reminded of those very things. Then the girls started asking questions. They were concerned and puzzled. One of the first questions I got was "But what if someone does those things to you?" I had to explain to them that God wants us to treat each other the way we want to be treated or the way he taught us to treat each other, his children. I sounded like my mom when I explained to them that if you consistently are nice to someone who has been mean to you they will eventually be nice to you, or they will at least stop being mean to you because you are no fun to pick on anymore. In a perfect world that is how it would work. The girls became really concerned after that. They didn't want to be doormats. They didn't want people to take advantage of them because of their niceness. I understand completely. We all do. We have all been there. I could speak from experience to them.
The point is, it just feels good to treat people nicely. And it is wonderful to see all people for what they are, children of God. As James said, with the same tongue we praise God, we curse those he created. My prayer for all of us is that we would think about what we say. With our words we can start a fire. And we can't take them back once we have said them. And as Peter encouraged, we should be respectful to each other, don't repay evil with evil, and don't insult people. Thank you girls for helping me realize how important this is. I will miss seeing you on Wednesday mornings!
As I mentioned, I teach a group of sixth grade girls. Boys and girls are taught separately. 4th graders learn the first half of the Old Testament, 5th graders learn the second half, and 6th graders focus on the New Testament. The town where I live in South Carolina was the first in the state to do this program! It has been going on for a long time! We have 22 weeks with these kids. Not a lot of time when you think about it. And we have missed several days due to weather. And several of my girls missed instruction time due to sickness.
This week will be our last week for the school year. It is bittersweet. I have enjoyed teaching these girls. They will graduate from this program Wednesday after spending three years learning the Old Testament and New Testament. I wish some of them new what an accomplishment this was! And I bet at some point some of these students will have wished they paid better attention. What an advantage these kids have! This instruction is an asset!
I have taken this job seriously and have enjoyed it. I hope I have been a good teacher for these girls. And I hope I have taught them as much as they have taught me. Isn't it funny how it works like that? It seems to me in ministry or teaching situations, that I always learn a lot from those I am supposed to be teaching!
Before I close, I want to share something from the girls a couple weeks ago. We were talking about the book of James. There is so much rich material in that book. I was sharing with the girls about listening and speaking. A good section of James addresses this. It speaks about being quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to become angry. The author of this book also tells us that the tongue can do damage like a forest fire, and that "with the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness." On that same class day we were talking about 1st Peter. 1st Peter tells us such things as be respectful to everyone, don't retaliate, don't repay evil with evil, and don't insult people because they insult you. So I was sharing these things with the girls. I think this is an important area for teenagers. They definitely need to think about how they treat others and about the words they use.
After talking to them, before I allowed them to ask questions, it was weighing heavy on me that we are all guilty of that. We all need to be reminded of those very things. Then the girls started asking questions. They were concerned and puzzled. One of the first questions I got was "But what if someone does those things to you?" I had to explain to them that God wants us to treat each other the way we want to be treated or the way he taught us to treat each other, his children. I sounded like my mom when I explained to them that if you consistently are nice to someone who has been mean to you they will eventually be nice to you, or they will at least stop being mean to you because you are no fun to pick on anymore. In a perfect world that is how it would work. The girls became really concerned after that. They didn't want to be doormats. They didn't want people to take advantage of them because of their niceness. I understand completely. We all do. We have all been there. I could speak from experience to them.
The point is, it just feels good to treat people nicely. And it is wonderful to see all people for what they are, children of God. As James said, with the same tongue we praise God, we curse those he created. My prayer for all of us is that we would think about what we say. With our words we can start a fire. And we can't take them back once we have said them. And as Peter encouraged, we should be respectful to each other, don't repay evil with evil, and don't insult people. Thank you girls for helping me realize how important this is. I will miss seeing you on Wednesday mornings!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Update
So, it has been awhile. Too long, in fact. I went all of February without updating. Horrible me! I promise to get better. But with as many goals as I made for the new year, I am not surprised I have slipped up on a couple! I will strive to write more in March.
What's new in the Baird household, you ask? Plenty is going on. Josh is doing wonderful! I promised to update after his doctor's appointment. Well, that was like on February 7, so I am plenty late. Josh had a great report at his doctor's appointment, and no shots! On February 7 (at 15 months), he was 33 inches long (that is almost 3 feet!) and weighed 26 pounds. That is amazing for my little preemie! The doctor is pleased with everything! Still no signs of being a preemie linger; the doctor thinks any delay with Josh is just due to his being a preemie and his being a boy. Josh is 16 months old today, but he should be 14 1/2 months old. And a month and a half makes a difference! Josh isn't talking as much as I hoped or would like, but the doctor says it is normal for a boy. He still says new words, practically weekly. And I can tell by how he responds to us that he understands even more words. Josh loves to play, and I love it when he learns new things. And Josh can walk, but it is just faster and easier to crawl.
Matt and I are doing well. Just busy, as always. I have started some new programs at church. It is great! I love my job so much. It is such a pleasure to serve the Lord in the capacity that I do. We are getting ready to head into the season of Lent. We will be doing a Bible Study for the 7 weeks of Lent. I am so excited! This is what I have been waiting for. Matt is busy with his job as well. They have inventory the first weekend in May, so he will probably be working every Saturday between now and then, and likely a lot of Sundays. But oh well, it's overtime. And that will come in handy when we go on vacation in May.
We are still working on trying to lose weight. I have not made as much progress as I would like, but I have made some. I have lost like 7 pounds since the new year. But all of that was not me. I had the flu and a stomach virus both in February, which helped me to lose 2-3 pounds of that. Matt and I celebrated our anniversary in January and Valentine's Day in February. We have also had some meals at church, so I have eaten more than I should have. My exercise has not been as consistent as I would like it to be. It was hard to get back into exercising after having the flu. I was so tired! And I have had a few busy days this last month or so. But March is a new month and I am going to hit it hard this month. Some progress is better than none, and it is something to be proud of. I will keep you all updated as we go along on this journey. And I will update again soon.
What's new in the Baird household, you ask? Plenty is going on. Josh is doing wonderful! I promised to update after his doctor's appointment. Well, that was like on February 7, so I am plenty late. Josh had a great report at his doctor's appointment, and no shots! On February 7 (at 15 months), he was 33 inches long (that is almost 3 feet!) and weighed 26 pounds. That is amazing for my little preemie! The doctor is pleased with everything! Still no signs of being a preemie linger; the doctor thinks any delay with Josh is just due to his being a preemie and his being a boy. Josh is 16 months old today, but he should be 14 1/2 months old. And a month and a half makes a difference! Josh isn't talking as much as I hoped or would like, but the doctor says it is normal for a boy. He still says new words, practically weekly. And I can tell by how he responds to us that he understands even more words. Josh loves to play, and I love it when he learns new things. And Josh can walk, but it is just faster and easier to crawl.
Matt and I are doing well. Just busy, as always. I have started some new programs at church. It is great! I love my job so much. It is such a pleasure to serve the Lord in the capacity that I do. We are getting ready to head into the season of Lent. We will be doing a Bible Study for the 7 weeks of Lent. I am so excited! This is what I have been waiting for. Matt is busy with his job as well. They have inventory the first weekend in May, so he will probably be working every Saturday between now and then, and likely a lot of Sundays. But oh well, it's overtime. And that will come in handy when we go on vacation in May.
We are still working on trying to lose weight. I have not made as much progress as I would like, but I have made some. I have lost like 7 pounds since the new year. But all of that was not me. I had the flu and a stomach virus both in February, which helped me to lose 2-3 pounds of that. Matt and I celebrated our anniversary in January and Valentine's Day in February. We have also had some meals at church, so I have eaten more than I should have. My exercise has not been as consistent as I would like it to be. It was hard to get back into exercising after having the flu. I was so tired! And I have had a few busy days this last month or so. But March is a new month and I am going to hit it hard this month. Some progress is better than none, and it is something to be proud of. I will keep you all updated as we go along on this journey. And I will update again soon.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Difficult Time
Hello everyone:
I have some news. This blog started out being about Josh. It was a way to share with friends and loved ones about my pregnancy. Then the blog turned into a copinjg mechanism while my little angel was the hospital. At that time it also served as a way to keep people informed on Josh's progress.
Now that my little miracle boy is almost 15 months old, amazing and perfect, and like a normal 15 month old, this blog doesn't need to be just about him anymore. I do hope for this to be about our adventures in parenting and about Josh's life (have no fear those of you who love to hear about Josh, he has another doctor's appointment on February 8th, and I will update then), but I recognize that Josh's life is not my story to share. Overall, I want this to be a story of our journey as a couple, a family story, a place to share about life, and it will also be a place to share about faith and my experience as a pastor (without sharing things I have no business sharing).
With that said, today is a moment when it is time to share about life and faith. I am having a difficult time. Yes, pastors too have difficult times. Those people you think have it all together and seem near perfect at times like moms and teachers, they struggle too. And, I hate to disappoint, pastors struggle with things you think they may not struggle with. We are human, too. We struggle with sin and temptation. And sometimes we have to be reminded that we are not in control and we can't always fix things on our own. We need to be reminded to give things over to God. And we appreciate your prayers! Prayers make a difference. Please, please, please, keep your pastor in your prayers!
If you have read the blog, you know about the circumstances surrounding Josh's birth. You also know of my desire to have another child in the near future. After a heart to heart with my mother today I became discouraged. Josh is going to be 2 this year; perfect time to consider expanding the family. My mom does not think I need to have any more children. She thinks I will get preeclampsia again, and therefore, put another child at risk. And Lord knows, I don't want another child to spend 5 1/2 weeks the hospital. And Matt and I, and I am sure his medical insurance company, do not want us to have another massive hospital bill. Don't get me wrong, no amount of money could replace my darling. He was worth that and so much more. And we learned so much while he was in the hospital. But I do not think I am strong enough to go through that again.
I am just confused. My mom was sharing some about Josh with her doctor yesterday. He said his medical opinion is that I not get pregnant again. He said if it was his wife or his daughter he would advise them not to get pregnant. But then my doctor said there is only about a 12 - 15% chance that it could repeat. But those numbers could be skewed because some of the women who have this with a second or third child just go ahead and decide not to have anymore. Which means the number could be a tad higher. It is just frustrating to me. Out of like six risk factors I only had one. I know a woman who had preeclampsia with no risk factors. And I have friends I know who have my risk factor and have had multiple children with no problem.
My mom wanted me to keep my options open. She wanted me to think about other ways to have children. There are plenty of children out there without a good home or a family. And I agree. I have always considered adoption. I thought it might be something for me. Several people I know have adopted. I would love to do international adoption, but boy, is it expensive! Matt and I could never afford international adoption, so I decided to look into something else. I wanted to possibly look into a local adoption.
I spent a lot of this afternoon praying, and thinking, and talking to my husband. We would love to give some child without a home a good family and a nice place to live. But we don't feel that is the right thing for us at this time (and I know it takes more than one afternoon to resolve a situation like this). And it isn't about the child not being biologically ours or the fact that we may not have the child as a newborn. I know it isn't just about me and my needs and wants. It's about what God wants. And God calls people to be foster and adoptive parents.
But you have to know me. I am determined and ambitious. If you tell me I can't do something, I want to do it just to prove you wrong. Now, I know that is a bad reason to have a child. But that isn't the reasoning for having another child. I want to know that I can carry a child full term. I need to know I can do it. I want to scream from the top of my lungs that what happened to Josh was not my fault! I didn't do that to him. I need to do this for myself. I need to see and to know. It sure felt rotten when I thought my weight caused Josh's problems.
So I got to thinking, is adoption the easy way out? Is adoption the impatient me saying, "I want a child and I want one now, so I am going to take this in my own hands!" I have been there before. I have been the person who took things into my hands instead of waiting on God. The results have not been pretty. And adopting a child for that reason would be selfish and unfair.
Not choosing to expand our family out of fear seems bad. We want more children. We can love and care and provide for them. So we are going to stop because we are afraid of preeclampsia; afraid of 12-15%? Is choosing not to have another child like saying that I don't believe in the odds or that I don't believe God can work through the situation? Is it like saying God cannot give me a child at full term or close to it? God does not want us to be afraid. God will have his way, regardless. God works miracles. God can defy the odds. I want to be like Angie Smith (if you don't know much about her, you should look into her story). Angie is the wife of Todd Smith, who is in the Christian band Selah. During one of Angie's pregnancies, they found out their daughter had some serious issues. They were advised to terminate the pregnancy because she might not live. As Christians, they couldn't do that. Angie's response when she found out that something was wrong with their little girl, she said that God was the same at that moment as he was before she knew. It was in God's hands. He was in control. I want to be like that. I want that attitude.
God can make our dream possible. Where there isn't a way, God can make a way. Now is not quite the right time to have another child. In God's time and his way, he will make our dreams come true. Thank you for listening to me. I am sorry for the rambling. I wanted to share my feelings; I wanted to share your life. And I would love for your prayers. Pray that I don't let fear comsume me. Pray that God's will be done. And pray that a child will bless our lives in the right time and in the right way, whether naturally or through adoption. It means so much to me to be able to share and to have your prayers.
Until next time...
I have some news. This blog started out being about Josh. It was a way to share with friends and loved ones about my pregnancy. Then the blog turned into a copinjg mechanism while my little angel was the hospital. At that time it also served as a way to keep people informed on Josh's progress.
Now that my little miracle boy is almost 15 months old, amazing and perfect, and like a normal 15 month old, this blog doesn't need to be just about him anymore. I do hope for this to be about our adventures in parenting and about Josh's life (have no fear those of you who love to hear about Josh, he has another doctor's appointment on February 8th, and I will update then), but I recognize that Josh's life is not my story to share. Overall, I want this to be a story of our journey as a couple, a family story, a place to share about life, and it will also be a place to share about faith and my experience as a pastor (without sharing things I have no business sharing).
With that said, today is a moment when it is time to share about life and faith. I am having a difficult time. Yes, pastors too have difficult times. Those people you think have it all together and seem near perfect at times like moms and teachers, they struggle too. And, I hate to disappoint, pastors struggle with things you think they may not struggle with. We are human, too. We struggle with sin and temptation. And sometimes we have to be reminded that we are not in control and we can't always fix things on our own. We need to be reminded to give things over to God. And we appreciate your prayers! Prayers make a difference. Please, please, please, keep your pastor in your prayers!
If you have read the blog, you know about the circumstances surrounding Josh's birth. You also know of my desire to have another child in the near future. After a heart to heart with my mother today I became discouraged. Josh is going to be 2 this year; perfect time to consider expanding the family. My mom does not think I need to have any more children. She thinks I will get preeclampsia again, and therefore, put another child at risk. And Lord knows, I don't want another child to spend 5 1/2 weeks the hospital. And Matt and I, and I am sure his medical insurance company, do not want us to have another massive hospital bill. Don't get me wrong, no amount of money could replace my darling. He was worth that and so much more. And we learned so much while he was in the hospital. But I do not think I am strong enough to go through that again.
I am just confused. My mom was sharing some about Josh with her doctor yesterday. He said his medical opinion is that I not get pregnant again. He said if it was his wife or his daughter he would advise them not to get pregnant. But then my doctor said there is only about a 12 - 15% chance that it could repeat. But those numbers could be skewed because some of the women who have this with a second or third child just go ahead and decide not to have anymore. Which means the number could be a tad higher. It is just frustrating to me. Out of like six risk factors I only had one. I know a woman who had preeclampsia with no risk factors. And I have friends I know who have my risk factor and have had multiple children with no problem.
My mom wanted me to keep my options open. She wanted me to think about other ways to have children. There are plenty of children out there without a good home or a family. And I agree. I have always considered adoption. I thought it might be something for me. Several people I know have adopted. I would love to do international adoption, but boy, is it expensive! Matt and I could never afford international adoption, so I decided to look into something else. I wanted to possibly look into a local adoption.
I spent a lot of this afternoon praying, and thinking, and talking to my husband. We would love to give some child without a home a good family and a nice place to live. But we don't feel that is the right thing for us at this time (and I know it takes more than one afternoon to resolve a situation like this). And it isn't about the child not being biologically ours or the fact that we may not have the child as a newborn. I know it isn't just about me and my needs and wants. It's about what God wants. And God calls people to be foster and adoptive parents.
But you have to know me. I am determined and ambitious. If you tell me I can't do something, I want to do it just to prove you wrong. Now, I know that is a bad reason to have a child. But that isn't the reasoning for having another child. I want to know that I can carry a child full term. I need to know I can do it. I want to scream from the top of my lungs that what happened to Josh was not my fault! I didn't do that to him. I need to do this for myself. I need to see and to know. It sure felt rotten when I thought my weight caused Josh's problems.
So I got to thinking, is adoption the easy way out? Is adoption the impatient me saying, "I want a child and I want one now, so I am going to take this in my own hands!" I have been there before. I have been the person who took things into my hands instead of waiting on God. The results have not been pretty. And adopting a child for that reason would be selfish and unfair.
Not choosing to expand our family out of fear seems bad. We want more children. We can love and care and provide for them. So we are going to stop because we are afraid of preeclampsia; afraid of 12-15%? Is choosing not to have another child like saying that I don't believe in the odds or that I don't believe God can work through the situation? Is it like saying God cannot give me a child at full term or close to it? God does not want us to be afraid. God will have his way, regardless. God works miracles. God can defy the odds. I want to be like Angie Smith (if you don't know much about her, you should look into her story). Angie is the wife of Todd Smith, who is in the Christian band Selah. During one of Angie's pregnancies, they found out their daughter had some serious issues. They were advised to terminate the pregnancy because she might not live. As Christians, they couldn't do that. Angie's response when she found out that something was wrong with their little girl, she said that God was the same at that moment as he was before she knew. It was in God's hands. He was in control. I want to be like that. I want that attitude.
God can make our dream possible. Where there isn't a way, God can make a way. Now is not quite the right time to have another child. In God's time and his way, he will make our dreams come true. Thank you for listening to me. I am sorry for the rambling. I wanted to share my feelings; I wanted to share your life. And I would love for your prayers. Pray that I don't let fear comsume me. Pray that God's will be done. And pray that a child will bless our lives in the right time and in the right way, whether naturally or through adoption. It means so much to me to be able to share and to have your prayers.
Until next time...
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