I can't believe that Josh is three months old! Yesterday our little boy was 3 months old! It was a great day for me. Each day I realize more and more how blessed and lucky we are to have Josh. He truly has blessed our lives in so many ways. I can't wait to see what the next years hold for all of us.
I love how Josh changes. So much is new and different with him each day. I love to see him learn new things. It is a bittersweet feeling, though. I am having to come to term with the fact that my little boy won't be little for long. He is now around 10 pounds. I already am finding myself not wanting him to wear certain outfits because they make him look like a "big boy." Some times I recognize the need for him to grow up. And I want him to walk and talk. But then other times I want him to be small for just a little longer so I can always hold him. I want to share those sweet little moments with him, like when I hold him to feed him and he rubs my hands or grabs my hair. And for the past 5 nights he has slept through the night! That is a big milestone. We are so proud of our little monkey boy!
My healing process has continued and gotten better. Matt and I watched the 19 Kids and Counting special about the birth of the nineteenth Duggar baby, who was also a preemie. Seeing someone else go through what I went through makes it a little easier to deal with what I had to go through because I know I am not alone. There was a lot of crying during that show. Someone was able to put into words how I felt. But afterwards, I felt better. I was able to grieve in a different way and it brought me further in my healing process.
I can see how far I have come in three months. I see how far we all have come. What is important to me is to stay positive. I try not to be bitter or angry, and a lot of those feelings have left me. And I definitely do not worry about feeling cheated. I try to focus on all the positives; like the fact that we got to meet our little boy 6 weeks early. And how he has grown healthy and strong. Josh is a determined little fighter. He gets that from his parents! I try to focus on the many ways he is blessing our lives. And I know there will be other chances to experience the whole shebang. There will be other Baird babies in the future. Matt and I hope to have two more children, unless Baird baby two goes through similar problems as Josh did. We are blessed and it will be a great future. I can't wait!
