Things are going well here. We love having Josh at home with us. It has been an adjustment for us to get used to Josh's schedule. Getting up at night can be tiring, but I don't think either of us would trade it for the world. Josh belongs at home and it feels right having him here with us. Our family is complete, well until our second child makes his or her entrance into the world in a couple of years.
I find it funny that I am mentioning having another child. It is not something I want to do within the next year and a half, but having another baby in two years would be fine with me. After we came home from the hospital I was adament that I did not want to even think about baby Baird number two. As far as I was concerned, baby Baird number two was not in the cards. I realize now that it was my emotions talking. I was in pain from the c-section. I also felt bitter that Josh's birth did not go as planned. I was mad I did not experience true labor and that I had to have a c-section. The biggest part was that I was broken hearted from having to leave my first child in the NICU for so long. I knew I would not be able to go through that again. Thank goodness that I asked my OB/GYN for some statistics on preeclampsia. There is only a 12-15% chance that it will happen a second time. The majority of preeclampsia cases show up in the first or last birth. So I think my odds are good.
Needless to say, Matt was surprised to hear me say two weeks after the birth of our son that I wanted to have another. I could deal with having another c-section. The pain was not that bad. And Josh will need a sibling. I do not want him to be an only child. He is already spoiled enough as it is. And Matt really wants a girl. I would be fine having another boy. And depend upon how the second one goes will determine if we have a third. I always said I wanted three children: 2 boys and 1 girl. I know that God will provide when and how He sees fit. I imagine, though, that our life will contain at least one more child. But that is another story for another day way in the future.
Now, back to Josh. He is so wonderful. Josh really is a good baby. He has quite the personality. He also has a temper. He gets easily frustrated. It appears that he is stubborn and pretty independent. I am afraid he gets a lot of these traits from his mother; he comes by it honestly. But Matt exhibits some of these traits as well, so Josh had no chance. We learned last night that Josh will pretend to cry after we have put him to bed at night and we have gone to our room. He hates to be alone, and so after he realizes he is alone he will cry just a little. Then he stops and waits. Then he cries again a little longer and louder. And then he stops to see if we are coming for him. We were listening to this on the monitor last night. It is absolutely hilarious.
I am excited, and ready, for Christmas. I was just telling Matt the other day that this Christmas hasn't been like other ones. I haven't had as much time to prepare and anticipate it. Christmas has been on the back burner. Josh was our priority while he was in the hospital. He did not come home until December 10. Once he got home, he was the priority here and we had to get adjusted to having him here. But on the plus side, I have not gone out in the crowds as much as I have in previous years! Even though I did not get as much time to enjoy our Christmas tree, Christmas music, and other Christmas traditions, I am the most excited I have ever been. This is my first Christmas married, and my first Christmas as a mother, and our first Christmas as a family, and my oldest child's first Christmas! This is wonderful! This really will be a great Christmas; maybe one of the best ever. And Josh coming home was the best Christmas present ever; it just came two weeks early, but that is fine with me. I feel so blessed and thankful to have him here with us. And I am excited to see what this Christmas holds for us!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Josh's first week at home
The fifth time was the charm! Josh came home with us last Thursday. It was a wonderful day for us. Last Wednesday night we had the opportunity to spend the night in the hospital and room in with Josh. Matt and I chose to do that so wwe could get comfortable with the monitor Josh has to wear for his apnea. In the hospital we had access to a nurse if we needed one. Matt and I made it through the night with no problems. It was wonderful to spend that first night with our son!
Things have been wonderful at home with our newest addition at home with us where he belongs! He has adjusted so well. Josh already had a schedule he followed from the NICU. He has changed his feeding habits a bit, but now that we have increased his feedings the schedule is practically back to normal. Josh sleeps and eats well.
Josh loves his room. He has gotten to be introduced to a lot of new things since being at home. Two days ago he got into his bouncy seat for the first time. He loves to bounce! The vibrator in the seat makes him cry though. He does love the music, but he looks at the toys on the toy bar like they are stupid. Hopefully when he gets bigger he will enjoy playing with them.
Josh also has spent time with his grandparents since he has been home. Matt's parents have come to see him twice. Josh loves having visitors. Josh also has gone to my parent's house since he has been home. He rides so well in the car. And going to my parent's house introduced Josh to the five greyhounds. The dogs seem to love Josh. Jake even gave Josh a kiss. And I love that Josh does not seem to mind the dogs at all.
We took Josh to his first doctor's appointment on Monday. Matt and I absolutely love Josh's doctor. Everything was good with Josh. On Monday he weighed close to 6 pounds. The doctor said we could increase Josh's feedings. Josh now eats 3 ounces about every 3 and a half hours. We go back to see Josh's doctor on January 7. Josh will be getting his two month shots then. I know it will break my heart to see him get those shots.
Things have been wonderful having Josh at home. It has taken some adjustments to learn what his cries mean. Thank goodness he doesn't cry much. Matt and I both have had a tough time adjusting on a little less sleep. We are learning how to sleep when Josh sleeps. We have a great time when we spend time with Josh. He brings us so much joy. I love watching his smiles, his facial expressions, and when his eyes light up. I am so protective of him. I always knew I would be a protective mother, but it is so much harder since Josh was premature and he spend so much time in the NICU. It is so much worse since we are in the middle of flu season. I don't want Josh to get sick. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have him here with us. When we left the hospital with Josh last Thursday I cried. I was so happy to be coming home with our little boy. We waited so long for him to be coming home and it was finally happening. It was one of the best days of my life. I am looking forward to what this journey with Josh will bring to Matt and I. We plan to enjoy this Christmas with our special and precious little boy.
Things have been wonderful at home with our newest addition at home with us where he belongs! He has adjusted so well. Josh already had a schedule he followed from the NICU. He has changed his feeding habits a bit, but now that we have increased his feedings the schedule is practically back to normal. Josh sleeps and eats well.
Josh loves his room. He has gotten to be introduced to a lot of new things since being at home. Two days ago he got into his bouncy seat for the first time. He loves to bounce! The vibrator in the seat makes him cry though. He does love the music, but he looks at the toys on the toy bar like they are stupid. Hopefully when he gets bigger he will enjoy playing with them.
Josh also has spent time with his grandparents since he has been home. Matt's parents have come to see him twice. Josh loves having visitors. Josh also has gone to my parent's house since he has been home. He rides so well in the car. And going to my parent's house introduced Josh to the five greyhounds. The dogs seem to love Josh. Jake even gave Josh a kiss. And I love that Josh does not seem to mind the dogs at all.
We took Josh to his first doctor's appointment on Monday. Matt and I absolutely love Josh's doctor. Everything was good with Josh. On Monday he weighed close to 6 pounds. The doctor said we could increase Josh's feedings. Josh now eats 3 ounces about every 3 and a half hours. We go back to see Josh's doctor on January 7. Josh will be getting his two month shots then. I know it will break my heart to see him get those shots.
Things have been wonderful having Josh at home. It has taken some adjustments to learn what his cries mean. Thank goodness he doesn't cry much. Matt and I both have had a tough time adjusting on a little less sleep. We are learning how to sleep when Josh sleeps. We have a great time when we spend time with Josh. He brings us so much joy. I love watching his smiles, his facial expressions, and when his eyes light up. I am so protective of him. I always knew I would be a protective mother, but it is so much harder since Josh was premature and he spend so much time in the NICU. It is so much worse since we are in the middle of flu season. I don't want Josh to get sick. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have him here with us. When we left the hospital with Josh last Thursday I cried. I was so happy to be coming home with our little boy. We waited so long for him to be coming home and it was finally happening. It was one of the best days of my life. I am looking forward to what this journey with Josh will bring to Matt and I. We plan to enjoy this Christmas with our special and precious little boy.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Maybe the fifth time is the charm
Last week when I wrote I was excited because Josh should have been home in a few days. Well, of course, that did not work out like it should have. Josh is not home where he belongs yet. I spoke with the doctor this morning and he said hopefully Wednesday or Thurday. Today marks the fifth time someone has said that Josh will be coming home on a certain day; hopefully this time will be right. I am getting pretty sick of people saying he will be home at this time, and then it doesn't work out. I just want my little boy home. I don't understand what is so hard about this: if there is any chance something could come up then don't say anything until you know for sure. We are getting sick of hearing that Josh will be coming home in two or three days just to learn later that isn't the case. It would be much better for me if I were to walk in the NICU one day and a nurse or doctor were to say that tomorrow will definitely be the day. That would make me happy.
This has been incredibly rough on us. You can't even imagine what this is like until you go through this yourself. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I keep asking Matt why we have to go through this. It isn't at all fair. I want to know what God wants me to learn from this. I don't understand why God allowed this to happen. I feel like I have caused this, and maybe, I could have done something to prevent this. Some days it just breaks my heart to have to go into the NICU and see Josh there. He belongs at home with us.
It doesn't help that we have a stubborn little boy. He has been in the NICU for so long getting spoiled by the nurses. For a little while he was the only baby in the NICU. It's like each time he hears someone say he is almost ready to go home, he makes something else go wrong. He doesn't want to leave his nurses and all the attention he has been getting. Right now he is the only male in the NICU until the doctors come in. He is surrounded by female nurses and three other paatients that are little girls. This makes Matt proud that his little boy already has women all over him.
Josh's problems right now deal with stomach issues. He is spitting up more often then they would like him to. He is not spitting up as much now that they changed his formula, but they feel like he should not be spitting up on the formula he is on. They are hoping being strictly breastfed won't cause him to spit up. But to be cautious they are running an acid reflux test. If it comes back positive they will put Josh on Xantac. If the test is negative, they will assume Josh is just one of those babies who spit up. I am glad that they are trying to figure that out. I do not want Josh to come home spitting up all the time and all over everything.
Josh did fail his sleep test last week. He had an episode of apnea that lasted 18 seconds. That concerned the doctors so they wanted him to go through the weekend with no apnea or bradycardia symptoms. He made it from Wednesday to Friday, but then he started having some drops with his breathing. These coincided with his new round of spitting up. The nurses determined that they were related to the spitting up and could not be documented as apnea or bradycardia. Josh did have one drop unrelated to spitting up on Saturday night, but it was very brief. He has not had one since. The doctor said he was very impressed that Josh only had one true drop between Wednesday afternoon and Monday morning. He said if Josh didn't have stomach issues, they would be releasing him today. The good news is that Josh should grow out of the apnea.
This has been a rough ride, but hopefully it is almost over. We are just anxious to get Josh home. It feels like we are almost at the end of this horrible nightmare. My life hasn't even felt like my life. This all feels like a horrible dream, a dream that I am ready to end. It should be over this week. And I will be so happy that I am one of those women leaving the hospital with my baby. Then the three of us can start our new life together. We will be able to make lots of new memories. It will be so fun to watch him grow up. I am a little discouraged with the situation. I am also very thankful, especially when I think about the two alternatives: Josh could not have made it or I could still be pregnant. I am so happy that he is here and healthy. And it was a nice surprise that he came early. We have had the chance to bond with our son and to get to know him. He is so beautiful and he has a precious personality. But we really can't wait to have him here with us. I would give up sleep every night if it meant he could be here with us.
This has been incredibly rough on us. You can't even imagine what this is like until you go through this yourself. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I keep asking Matt why we have to go through this. It isn't at all fair. I want to know what God wants me to learn from this. I don't understand why God allowed this to happen. I feel like I have caused this, and maybe, I could have done something to prevent this. Some days it just breaks my heart to have to go into the NICU and see Josh there. He belongs at home with us.
It doesn't help that we have a stubborn little boy. He has been in the NICU for so long getting spoiled by the nurses. For a little while he was the only baby in the NICU. It's like each time he hears someone say he is almost ready to go home, he makes something else go wrong. He doesn't want to leave his nurses and all the attention he has been getting. Right now he is the only male in the NICU until the doctors come in. He is surrounded by female nurses and three other paatients that are little girls. This makes Matt proud that his little boy already has women all over him.
Josh's problems right now deal with stomach issues. He is spitting up more often then they would like him to. He is not spitting up as much now that they changed his formula, but they feel like he should not be spitting up on the formula he is on. They are hoping being strictly breastfed won't cause him to spit up. But to be cautious they are running an acid reflux test. If it comes back positive they will put Josh on Xantac. If the test is negative, they will assume Josh is just one of those babies who spit up. I am glad that they are trying to figure that out. I do not want Josh to come home spitting up all the time and all over everything.
Josh did fail his sleep test last week. He had an episode of apnea that lasted 18 seconds. That concerned the doctors so they wanted him to go through the weekend with no apnea or bradycardia symptoms. He made it from Wednesday to Friday, but then he started having some drops with his breathing. These coincided with his new round of spitting up. The nurses determined that they were related to the spitting up and could not be documented as apnea or bradycardia. Josh did have one drop unrelated to spitting up on Saturday night, but it was very brief. He has not had one since. The doctor said he was very impressed that Josh only had one true drop between Wednesday afternoon and Monday morning. He said if Josh didn't have stomach issues, they would be releasing him today. The good news is that Josh should grow out of the apnea.
This has been a rough ride, but hopefully it is almost over. We are just anxious to get Josh home. It feels like we are almost at the end of this horrible nightmare. My life hasn't even felt like my life. This all feels like a horrible dream, a dream that I am ready to end. It should be over this week. And I will be so happy that I am one of those women leaving the hospital with my baby. Then the three of us can start our new life together. We will be able to make lots of new memories. It will be so fun to watch him grow up. I am a little discouraged with the situation. I am also very thankful, especially when I think about the two alternatives: Josh could not have made it or I could still be pregnant. I am so happy that he is here and healthy. And it was a nice surprise that he came early. We have had the chance to bond with our son and to get to know him. He is so beautiful and he has a precious personality. But we really can't wait to have him here with us. I would give up sleep every night if it meant he could be here with us.
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