Christmas with my little angel

We had a wonderful Christmas with our little angel. It was so much more fun this year. Josh was able to open presents and to play with his new things. He understands about opening presents, although he seems to prefer playing with wrapping paper and boxes. And Mommy loves that Josh is young enough that he doesn't care if I buy him clothes!

Josh got so many nice new things. He honestly does not need anything! He is one spoiled little boy. But I feel thankful that we have so many people that love and care about us! Christmas isn't about the presents, it's about family, love, and giving to others, but most importantly, it is about Jesus! I can't wait until Josh is old enough to hear and understand the Christmas story and the true meaning of Christmas!

Josh had a busy Christmas! He went several places over a few days, and he got overwhelmed with his gifts. He saw so many people, and loved it. Josh just loves people. He saw Santa for the first time. Last Christmas he just came home from the hospital and wasn't supposed to go anywhere because of the flu. Josh fell in love with Santa. He rested his head on Santa's beard, and then he tried to give Santa his passie. It was so cute! I will have to add some pictures to Facebook soon!

Mommy and Daddy had a wonderful Christmas as well. But we really just enjoyed Josh. It was so much fun to watch him get so excited. And even more fun to watch him playing with his new toys ( I will add those pictures to Facebook as well). There is nothing like Christmas until you have Christmas with your child. It truly is priceless. I am so blessed and so thankful for all we have.

And we finished off our Christmas Day with snow. Josh isn't old enough to understand it, but it made Mommy and Daddy excited. Sunday we took Josh outside in it and got some pictures. He was really indifferent. He didn't like that the snow itself was cold. When we had him outside the wind was blowing and he didn't really care for that either. So he wasn't outside very long, but we enjoyed having him out there with us.

This definitely was a wonderful holiday season. As always I am sad to see it go. It feels like an eternity before it returns. But I am looking forward to the new year and all it has to bring. Thank you so much to everyone who made our holiday so special!

An Important Milestone

This past Friday, on December 10, 2010, this family shared a very important milestone: it had been exactly one year since our little monkey came home from the hospital!! It was a very beautiful day and a beautiful thing to celebrate. The day was even complete with a few tears from me.

It is still hard to think about those days sometimes. I find myself still asking "WHY?" Honestly, I still don't think it is fair. There is a slight tinge of bitterness remaining. But then I think about all the blessings that came out of it. First of all, my little monkey did not have a December birthday (and if you know me, you know that was a fear of mine). Secondly, I got to meet my little boy 6 1/2 weeks early! I spent time taking care of him, holding him, feeding him, and changing his diaper well before I was supposed to. Thirdly, him coming early was time I did not spend pregnant and miserable! And lastly, Josh has a story. He was a miracle from the beginning. We see his story, the fact that he was a preemie, as a badge of honor. It is something we overcame and something we are proud of him for. Josh will be able to minister to people, and because of what I went through, I will be able to help more women in my congregations.

I still remember the day we brought him home. We had roomed in the night before at the hospital to get the hang of spending a night with him. We had access to a nurse if we needed one. And that was helpful, especially since Josh was on that apnea monitor. We had a great night, but there was not a lot of sleep! The next morning around 7:30, the morning nurse came to get him and said she would call him after the doctor came in and made a decision. It seemed like we waited forever!! She finally called (close to 9) and said we could come to the nursery. The doctor had released Josh!! I have never been so happy in my whole life. We went to the nursery to fill out paperwork and help get Josh ready to leave. We got out of the hospital around 10 AM. I cried when we left the hospital! I called my mom and told her we were on the way home with Josh, still crying. We got Josh home, showed him around the house, and got him settled. Then Matt had to go to work because he only took half a day off work. I cried when Matt left, not knowing if I could care for him by myself, but we had a great afternoon! It was the start of something beautiful!

It definitely was hard leaving him in the hospital, but it was heaven when he came home. I know he was in the best place for him. It would have killed me if he had come home and we had to take him back. Part of the reason Josh was in the hospital so long was because of his own stubborness. The rest of it was the doctors taking so long to figure out everything that was wrong with him, and misdiagnosing him several times. That did make me a little upset with the doctors and I was getting impatient. The original hope and timeline was for him to be home in time for Thanksgiving, and it could have happened. Josh was big enough, but it wasn't in God's plan. I guess God was trying to teach me patience. And Josh being in the hospital gave me time to rest because once he came home, I wasn't getting much rest!

I spent part of this beautiful anniversary healing. My healing process has seemed slow, but it has progressed. I have come far in a year. And it seems like in the last 2 1/2 months I have made the most progress. I think my healing is pretty close to complete, although I do have days where I take steps backward. On this anniversary, I took photos of Josh and went to Shutterfly to make a photo book. I told Josh's story in pictures, with no words, over the first year of his life. You can see how he grew and changed! It reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for. And Josh is not that little boy anymore. He is big, strong, and healthy. Seeing his progress step by step over the first year definitely made it easier. And my focus needs to be on my little boy right now, not who he was at 3 pounds 7 ounces!

Being Thankful

Being thankful is something that shouldn't end just because Thanksgiving is over. We should be thankful each and everyday for what we are given. I would have written this last week, but I was without a computer for a week because my laptop crashed. That leads to the first thing I am thankful for (these aren't in order)...

1. Technology - I love having a computer, internet, cell phone, an mp3, and so many other things. It is so easy nowadays to keep in contact with those we love and care about. Plus it is so easy to get news and information quickly.

2. God - Without God we wouldn't have all these wonderful things we are blessed with; countless things we don't deserve. I love my relationship with God. I appreciate so much that God allowed his Son to die on my behalf when I didn't deserve. It is wonderful that God treats us with mercy, grace, and that he chooses to forgive us. And I love that God hears our prayers. God is my Savior, and without Him, I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today.

3. Family - Who has seen you at your worst and still loves you? Who supports you in all your endeavors? Who is there to back you up and help out in any situation? Family, of course! All my family means so much to me. Without them I wouldn't be where I am today. I have a wonderful husband, supportive parents, and an amazing sister who is one of my best friends!

4. My son - I know he could be put in the category of family, but our relationship is special. A mother cannot love anyone the way she loves her children. We carry them and give birth to them. We have a bond with them and a love so deep and strong before they even get here. A mother nourishes and helps her baby grow for 9 months, and then after our child is here we continue to help them grow. But I am even more thankful for Josh after what we have been through. Josh could easily not be here right now, but God had bigger plans for Josh. Josh's premature birth taught Mommy and Daddy alot about God's sovereignty and his care for his children. Josh is my world. I have never loved anyone the way I love my son!

5. Other supportive people - Friends, extended family, co-workers, and church family are all wonderful people to have around. It is great to have people that love and care about you; people who are supportive and understanding, or people who can lend a helping hand, an ear, or a shoulder to cry on. Close friends are a blessing!

6. My job - It is an honor to be chosen to serve God in ministry. I still do not know why he chose me, but I am thankful. I plan to spend my next 40 years or so serving God to the best of my ability. It is great to be there for people, to listen, to be compassionate and generous, to point people to God, to pray for them, and to be their pastor. What better career could there be then serving God? It is a chore, stressful, frustrating, and difficult at times, but so fulfilling. I pray God will be with me and continue to help me get better at my vocation.

7. All the extras - Food, money, a home, and all the other things we need to get by. We are blessed to have what we need and some of what we want. Even in those times when things were rough (like when Josh was in the hospital) God provided what we needed. During the recession Matt never lost his job even though his company let people go. We are so blessed! I know God will provide for all our needs if we are just faithful. And even if we don't have all of what we want, we will still have what we need, and each other!

We all need to remember to count our blessings and be thankful each and every day.

Josh isn't a baby anymore

It truly is heartbreaking the day you realize your first child (and probably any child) is no longer a baby! Matt and I are at that point with Josh. He isn't a baby anymore, and it's sad. My little man is trying to walk. He crawls and scoots all over the place. He has 8 teeth and is getting another. Josh talks like crazy, He has about 11 - 12 words and phrases, or attempted words and phrases he says. Josh claps when he does something new. He explores new things. And his diet is now consisting of some real milk and more and more real people food with each new day. Definitely not a baby anymore. He is becoming a little toddler now. To watch him learn, say, and do new things makes me so proud, but it is also bittersweet. Does he have to grow up so fast? And this little monkey loves to assert his independence. He is stubborn and determined, and he throws some good temper tantrums. Now if only we could get him potty-trained, we really would have a little adult on our hands! I am only joking, I know it takes longer to potty train a boy. So we probably have 8 - 10 months or a year before we start that.

I imagine with different moms there are different feelings about when your child grows up. And different moms probably handle it in different ways. I am sure there will be times where I can't wait for Josh to reach the next stage of his growth and development. But I don't want to rush him growing up. And right now I am not liking going into the stage of toddlerhood. I wish I could just keep him as my little baby right now. I long for the days where I can rock him, snuggle him, feed him a bottle, and play with his hair. He is already getting to the point where he doesn't like to be held like a baby anymore! These days are leaving us much faster than I would like them to!

So how am I handling it? I have baby fever on the brain. Matt and I are not talking about trying right now, but that day is fast approaching. In some ways I am kind of surprised I am visiting this thought right now, but in other ways I am not. I did not have baby fever when I got pregnant with Josh. In fact, I was on birth control. I spent a large portion of my pregnancy scared. And I cried when I told my mom. It wasn't a good cry. I did not cry because I was so happy; like a woman who had been trying forever. My cry was more in sync with a teenage girl who has to tell her mom something like that. I felt so unprepared. It wasn't planned. I had only been married three months! I was still in school! I didn't have a full time job! So many worries. But God took care of it all. Now that I have Josh, I can't imagine life without a child. And I don't know how I got through without him!

I can see why I want another child. I also think a pregnancy will be much different trying to have a child, and actually already having a child. It seems like it will be much more enjoyable. But I know there are some thoughts on why I am surprised I am entertaining the idea of another child now. I have always been sort of a snob about having my kids spaced "just right." I never in my life thought I would be thinking about having a second child right after my first child turned one. I recognize that some of the idea could just be because Josh turned one. But overall, I think Matt and I are ready. And Josh would be a great big brother!

But some things have to happen first. One, we will definitely not be getting pregant (unless God has other plans, again) until after the first of the year. Two, in case anyone is unfamiliar, Methodists move their pastors around. I want to make sure I am not moving before I consider getting pregnant next year. I think it would be rude to go to a new church, work and get to know the people for four months, and then take my 2 month maternity leave. I should have an idea if I am moving around March or April. Three, I don't want a baby before Christmas, or even in the month of December at all. I was terrified and disappointed when I learned that Josh's due date was December 15. Too close to Christmas. So with all of that said, April or May would be the earliest we would probably start trying. April would put us due in January. Josh would be 2 years and 2 months. Sounds perfect to me! I don't want Josh to be under 2.

If we allot some extra time considering my first pregnancy, and realize that a baby could come early, we may not want to try before May. I am not anticipating or wanting another baby to come early. But that is another reason for waiting awhile. I want to lose some weight before I try again. I had preeclampsia with Josh, and if anyone knows anything about it, your chances increase with weight, and several other factors. My weight was my only risk factor. It also increases with age, race, and certain health conditions. I have a few friends and known some other women who were overweight and had multiple healthy pregnancies. I wasn't that lucky. I also know some women in good shape who had preeclampsia. It used to be if you had preeclampsia that you were advised not to have more children. Doctors didn't know if it would happen again. The majority of preeclampsia births occur in a first or last birth. I can see why! If a woman goes through it the first time, she may not want to risk it again. And if she already has a child or two, and it happens the second or third time, she is probably done anyway. And if it not, the experience is enough to keep her from risking it again when she already has 2 or 3 kids. Plus, the risk increases with age. But the OB told me that only 12-15% of women who had preeclampsia with a first birth experienced it in a later birth. Those are good odds. So basically, I am giving myself 5-6 months to lose some weight. Please keep us, and this future pregnancy and child in your prayers. Pray that God works it out according to his will. And that the baby will be healthy. We thank you in advance.

After the birthday post

So I failed. After being good, and writing twice last week, it has been more than a week since I last wrote. But, in my defense, we have had a wonderful week celebrating the birth of an amazing child! I promise to be better this week!

Josh's birthday was here and was absolutely great! It was everything I expected it to be and so much more. When I woke up this past Monday and thought about his birth, I found myself crying. He is such a special boy and I cannot imagine life without him. In some ways I can't believe it has been a year, but in other ways it feels like we waited forever for his first birthday to get here.

Monday was a great day. We didn't do much of anything special, since we were waiting to have his party yesterday (Saturday). It was hard planning his party since the two days before his actual birthday encompassed Halloween celebrations. I did make some cookies for his birthday, and we shared them with him. I didn't want him to have cake before his first birthday party. Monday we spent the day being thankful for our little gift from God. It was great just to spend time with him and tell him how much we love him and how special he is. He got to see both sets of grandparents on his actual birthday.

Tuesday was his doctor's appointment. He is off all medication except for allergy medicine, which he appears to take after his mom and just need it seasonally. No signs of asthma, which we have been watching for. We are off formula! And we will be weaning him off the bottle soon. Then it's time to wean him off the pacifier. Josh's soft spot is closed. He has 8 teeth. He weighs 23 lbs and 4 oz and is 30 inches long, so not a lot of growth since last time. He had to get 5 shots and a finger stick. He was not a happy camper. The doctor gave us the go ahead to start giving Josh a good bit more people food. We are so pleased with his progress! God has taken care of our little boy! It's a miracle that there are absolutely NO SIGNS of our baby being a preemie anymore! Looking at him you can't tell he was a preemie. And he is not behind in anything. The doctor is not worried that Josh isn't walking yet, either. Most boys don't walk before a year, plus Josh is technically only 10 1/2 months old. And also, Josh's cousin did not walk until he was 14 months old.

Yesterday was Josh's first birthday party! He had a great time. We celebrated with just close family. He got a lot of nice gifts. This little boy is so spoiled! He hs so many toys and books. He loves them all! And he has a lot of nice new clothes! I love that he is at the age where we can give him clothes and he doesn't care! We had some great food, and the decorations were cute. I appreciate everyone who helped us with the party, and made his day so special. Josh had a Sesame Street cake, and a separate little cake for him to destroy. He was so precious when he was playing with his cake. Josh is funny about getting messy. He really seems to hate it. He didn't know what to do with his cake it first. Then he touched it a little, but he was unsure. Then he got into it a little more. And finally started to try the icing and the cake. He really didn't get that messy. And he hated the icing on his hand! I forgot to mention that he looked at us like we were crazy when we sang Happy Birthday!

His first birthday week was a lot of fun. And it was much needed for Mommy and Daddy. We especially needed his birthday party. It was time for us to celebrate after everything we have been through. We will be celebrating on December 10, too. That will be one year since Josh came home. It is sad to think my little munchkin is one year old, but I am happy for all the things that are to come!

2 days

So here I am trying to make good on my vow to blog more. Twice in one week - YES! That equals success for this very busy wife, mother, and pastor!

2 days until my little monkey's birthday! I can't believe it! In some ways this year has flown by! In other ways, it has been kind of slow. Especially those first 38 days while he was in the NICU. Those days just seemed to drag on.

Tonight we have Trunk or Treat at church. I am excited. Josh has his little costume. He is going to be a dragon. His costume is just adorable. I will take pictures and at least post them on Facebook, if not here. I would have to learn how to post pictures on here. But I know I will take tons of pictures.

I can't help but sit here and think how bad I felt on October 30 and 31 last year. I never imagined that I would be delivering my baby on November 1, 6 1/2 weeks early. But God took care of him. And I didn't have to spend 39 or 40 weeks pregnant. It was dragging on anyway.

I just finished sorting through Josh's clothes and his birthday gifts. I cleaned out his closets and his drawers to get rid of the small stuff, and make room for the new. We also decided what we were going to give Josh for his birthday. I bought so much stuff that his birthday and Christmas is finished! That is an accomplishment!

His birthday party will be next Saturday. We decided not to compete with Halloween, especially when we found out the church would be celebrating today. That would have been too much celebration for one day. I have all his birthday party supplies and decorations taken care of. All we have left to worry about is the food. How wonderful! It has been so fun planning his party. It sure is ging to be an exciting week around here!

Long Overdue Update

I hate that it has been forever since I last updated. My goal is to now update at least weekly. And this blog is no longer going to be just about Josh, it will be about our family, and my career in ministry. Josh is almost a year old (one more week!) and I have enjoyed keeping you all updated on Josh, and will continue to do so. I just think that as he gets older there will be less updates after he starts doing all the basic things. This blog started to keep people updated while I was pregnant, and then it turned into a coping mechanism while he was in the NICU. And after that, it became a release as just started to become more like a normal baby. I became overjoyed and wanted to share as he started doing things other babies were, and at about the same time.

We are not sure about Josh's weight (he goes to the doctor a week from Tuesday - the day after his first birthday). But Josh has sure gotten tall. I know he is more than 30 inches tall, and he might be closer to three feet. He is pulling up, and he wants to walk, but he just can't get off those tippy-toes!

Josh's accomplishments in his first year of life:
-He scoots, rolls over, sits up from a laying down position, and crawls backward.
-He eats people food and some baby food (he has shown interest in feeding himself with utensils, but Mommy knows that will be messy!). He does feed himself finger food.
-He drinks from sippy cups (doesn't understand straws yet - he bites them, but that is the next order of business).
-He has a vocabulary of 11 words or phrases.
-He has six teeth.
-He can wave.
-And he claps like crazy.

Alot of what he has done, he has done on time or even early. We have so much to be proud of and thankful for. He has gone all kind of places. He loves to go see his grandparents. He loves to visit his Aunt Amanda. Josh seems to like going to church. He loves stories. He has quite the personality, which includes a little temper, stubborness and some frustration. He is proud of himself when he does new things. He is fascinated with children and babies. He loves to play, and he has his favorite toys. And he has brought Mommy and Daddy such joy! I can't believe my little boy will be one year old in a week!

Update on Joshua

I am so sorry that I have not written in forever. Joshua is doing so well. He went to the doctor for his nine month checkup on August 12 (sorry I have been slack about reporting this). He weighed 21 pounds 10 ounces, and he was 29 1/2 inches long! So we know he is over 22 pounds and 30 inches now! For his true age he was 65% in height and weight, but if you go by his adjusted age, he is 85% in height and 90% in weight. We are so pleased with how well he is doing.

We got the green light to back off his bottle. He just gets 2 bottles a day now. He eats all baby food the rest of the time, and he is eating toddler-like snacks such as yogurt, cheerios, crackers, and cookies. We are rid of the dreadful monitor, and the medicine that goes with it. We have also reduced his Xantac for acid reflux, and it appears he is outgrowing his acid reflux. Praise God! He is almost 10 1/2 months old. We can't wait for when he is one year! Time has flown by.

Josh can do a lot of new things. He feeds himself bottles, and he drinks from sippy cups by himself. He crawls some, and has learned to roll the other way (he started out just rolling to the right). His new favorite thing to do is clap. Josh uses some sign language for us. And we think he has a pretty good vocabulary for a 10 1/2 month old. His first word was "ma ma", followed by "no-no", and then "hi." He has since added to those three words with "yay-yay" and "ah luh ooh" (his attempt to say I love you). Matt is kind of hurt there is no "da-da" yet, but we know he will get there. Josh's other accomplishment is sitting forward in the car. He got a new forward facing seat, and he loves to ride forward!

Sunday Josh will be getting baptized! We are so excited. I hate that it didn't happen before now, but timing just wasn't right. He couldn't go to church until like March, and we were anticipating me getting my own church this summer. In Methodism, there is a big emphasis on the church playing its part in bringing up the child. I felt awkward in doing it in our old congregation knowing we would only be there for another 3-4 months. So Matt and I agreed to wait until we got to our new church. We were hoping to let the pastor who married us or the D.S. baptize Josh, but after much consideration we decided that I am going to do it. I am so excited! Josh will be the first child I will ever baptize. This feels like a happy and perfect ending to our rough start!

The Importance of Acting Appropriately

Over the past several weeks and months I have found myself agitated by how people choose to behave. There are so many people today caught up in being selfish. Everyone seems to be concerned about their own self and their own needs. When I watch how people treat one another, it disgusts me. The way people behave is contrary to what Jesus taught and how Jesus acted. Which means that I have my work cut out for me since I am trying to encourage people to think about how they should live. I can't help but think that God must look down on us and be disappointed.

Now I am not saying that I act perfectly. I am a sinner, just like anyone else. I mess up, make mistakes, treat people wrongly, and sometimes act selfish. But I would say, overall, that I am very concerned about other people. I often put people before myself. I would do anything to help anyone. And I am very compassionate. I have a long way to go, but I know that I am not as bad as a lot of people in today's world are. Where did humanity go wrong?

Trying to raise a child in this world has got me thinking of how I can avoid producing an adult that acts like this. Therefore, I have come up with a list of things I wish to teach Joshua (and future children). I will add to this list as I come up with more.

1. Always say please, thank you, and you're welcome.
2. Say yes sir/ma'am and no sir/ma'am.
3. You are no better than anyone else; God loves us all equally
4. See a person for what is on the inside, not on the outside
5. Love others the way Christ loves people and the church
6. Treat everyone with love and respect
7. Help others whenever you can in whatever way you are able
8. Work hard because nothing is handed to you
9. Be proud of yourself and love yourself
10. Make other people important, but don't make yourself a doormat
11. Be honest
12. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments, but don't be prideful
13. Do what is right
14. Don't let other people make you feel bad about who you are
15. Live as God commands
16. Go to church
17. Tell people how you feel
18. Stand up for yourself
19. Don't give up on your dreams, work hard at them instead
20. Be responsible and fulfill your duties

And no matter what, know that your parents love you more than you could ever imagine. You are a special person to God and to us. You are a personof worth, and we will always treat you as such.

What's New?

Plenty has been happening since I last wrote. We moved into our new house (the parsonage) at the end of June. We love our new home! Everything is great here. It did take us forever to get unpacked, though. Not everything has quite been put away yet. Some of the church members helped us unload the day we moved, and we were able to get the whole truck unloaded in just over half an hour. My parents have also been a great help in helping us get organized, and in keeping Josh so we could work. We are going to finish what is left by the end of this weekend. It is just sad that some things do not have a permanent home yet.

Things are great at our two churches! I absolutely love preaching every weekend. And I have settled nicely into all the other roles a pastor has. I have gotten involved with the pastor's group in our community. And I was able to lead Bible Study at the senior's center today, which is a job the pastor's group fills. The people are wonderful! They have brought us plenty of produce, eggs, and baked goods. We love the community we live in. And it is very nice to just be 30 minutes from Greenville! We are also about 30 minutes from Matt's parents in Greenwood, and 30 minutes from my parents in Anderson. It works out so nicely!

We have had a lot going on since we got here. My first week here I had to help with a funeral. We had to unpack and get settled. I also had to begin full-time duties. As if that wasn't enough, two weeks ago Matt had his gallbladder removed. I was thrown into the role of nurse. But he is doing so much better! It was rough for a couple days afterward. And it was rough because he had been sick since Mother's day weekend. But the surgery worked! Matt has not been getting sick, and not even been feeling nauseous. He should be able to go back to work next week. Then it will be back to being Josh and me!

Matt's surgery was hard on the little monkey! He did not understand why Daddy couldn't pick him up. But other than that, Josh is doing great! Josh is standing some on his own, with help of course. If he has something to help him balance him, then he is successful! He is also trying to get some more teeth. And he loves to play. He is learning so many new things, and he can do so much more. It is hard to believe he will be nine months old on Sunday. We have come so far since he was born in November. We have his nine month checkup on Tuesday. I still hate the thought of him getting shots. We are anticipating the doctor will let us feed Josh mainly baby food from now on. That will be exciting! I will update again one day next week. I am anticipating having more time to write now that we are settled.

What's in a name?

I absolutely love Josh's name! I mean, of course I would because I gave my child that name, but Joshua really is one of my favorite male names. And his name is even more special because he has his dad's middle name of David. Since Josh is now at the point where he recognizes his name I have been thinking a lot about names. I wonder what children think of their names at their youngest. There are plenty of people who hate their names as they get older.

I would say I am a traditionalist when it comes to names. Joshua had always been a name I planned on giving a son of mine. And if Josh had been a girl, his name would have been Sarah, even though both of our mothers objected. Biblical names have always been special to me. I was always envious of children who had Biblical names because I knew how special those names were (maybe that was the beginning stages of preparing me for ministry ;) ). I was blessed to have a Biblical middle name, but I was given my middle name because it was a family name from both sides of the family. Josh must be extra special to have two Biblical names!!

Nowadays, the trend seems to be trendy names, unisex names, or names with multiple spellings. I remember when these so-called trendy names popped up. I was in middle school playing MASH (a very popular game we played that planned your future for you) with girl friends and planning out our futures and talking about kids saying I was going to name my sons Parker and Hunter (I have always planned on having 3 kids - 2 boys and a girl). Well some of those names have stuck around, but for me they were a phase like I am sure they have been with some people.

Another thing that gets on my nerves is names that go for a boy or a girl. I remember going home from the first day of third grade and telling my mom that there was a boy named Ashley in my class. It troubled me! We then went through a long conversation about names that were okay for boys and girls: names like Courtney, Ashley, Leslie, and Cameron; names I would never give my child. It is probably such a self-esteem buster when you are a little boy named Ashley and are in elementary school and all these kids come up and tell you that you have a girls name. Kids can be mean, and that is a child who will forever be picked on.

I am just as passionate about names that have multiple spellings. I was so confused when I first realized the name Megan had at least four spellings. You can spell it M-e-g-a-n, M-e-g-h-a-n, M-e-a-g-h-a-n, or M-e-a-g-a-n. And I am sure there are some other funky ways to spell that name. There are also other numerous names you can spell in odd ways, and just odd names. Now I know how teachers must feel on the first day of school when they look at the roll and pray that they don't misprounce the names with all the weird spellings!

But each person has their own preferences! I am thankful to be a traditionalist and to have given my son a name that is easy to pronounce. And when people see his name on class rosters, they will know he is a male; not have to wonder if this child is a boy or a girl. Each of my subsequent children will have traditional names appropriate to their gender. And this blog is nothing against people who like these names or have given them to their children. It is just my personal opinion; my likes and dislikes. It is just my thankfulness that I love the names I do. I just prefer girly names for girls, and masculine names for males. My choice is just for traditional names, and narrowed down even further to Biblical names (that really limits my choices, especially when it comes to girls!) Everyone is entitled to their own choices, and I have nothing against that. Just like each family can choose how to raise their children. Please take no offense to my rant, and if you have, I sincerely apologize!

What's new with the Baird family

Things have been really busy around the Baird household. That explains why I have not written recently. We are packing up and preparing to move. I am so excited to finally be taking my own churches! This truly is an answered prayer.

Over the past few weeks things have been crazy. I had to go to licensing school. Tomorrow I leave for annual conference. There was some collecting and pricing of items for a yard sale. Round 2 of the yard sale may continue this weekend. We have been cleaning and packing like crazy. The official count is 12 boxes packed, and so much more to go. We move 3 weeks from today! And my first Sunday in our new churches is July 4. This Sunday I preach for the last time at the church we have been at. Next Sunday is our last day at that church. And then the weekend of the 27th we are going to spend our last weekend at our first home, and finish getting ready for our move.

And of course Josh has chosen to accomplish some pretty big things in time for the move. Josh started rolling over onto his tummy a few weeks ago. Last week he managed to roll back onto his back. He also has started to crawl! We are so proud of him. Crawling took a few days. He started by getting up on his knees. Then a couple days later he figured out how to get his arms ready to crawl. Then the next day, he managed to move a little forward. It figures that he would learn how to crawl in time for the move. He is still working on cutting several teeth. His first one has poked through the gums! And Josh loves to stand. He can move forward with someone holding his hands! He will be walking before we know it. Josh also talks like crazy! It still is gibberish, but we know his first word isn't too far away!

We can't wait to see what the next few weeks and months hold for us. We are all so excited! Josh will begin doing some even bigger things. And Mommy will be doing some big things, with Daddy and God's help, at her new churches. I just hope we get through the move quickly and easily with no problems. And I hope Josh makes it fine through the move, and adjusts to his new surroundings nicely. I will write again before the move. Now, back to cleaning and packing.

Life as it is and will be

Josh had an appointment with his doctor on May 5. We got great news. Josh was 16 pounds 10 ounces with a length of 25 1/4 inches. For his true age, he is in the 35% in weight and 5% in height. Based on his due date (and an age of about 4 1/2 - 5 months) he is 70% in weight and 35% in height. We are so pleased with his growth! He is not behind at all, and developing on time or even ahead. And if we go back to his actual due date, he definitely is not behind schedule, but rather really ahead.

Josh has been teething. It has been a trying time. Josh hates it and gets pretty fussy and irritable. And Mommy hates to see him in pain, and hates to clean up all the drool. The doctor said if he had to bet on it, that Josh would cut his first tooth within 2 weeks. We saw it poking through the gum on Friday (9 days after his appointment). The doctor also figured that within a month of the first one breaking through, two more would follow. We will see if he is right on that one. I just hope that after the first few come through that it won't be as painful for him.

We are continuing to go down on Josh's caffeine. So we still have that monitor that I was anxious to get rid of around 6 months. We are getting prepared to take him off the monitor. He can go without it for long periods during the day. He just can't sleep without it. We are backing him off the medicine 2 weeks at a time. In about 5 weeks he will be off the caffeine completely. And then he will go about a month with no medicine. If he has no attacks at night or just one, he will be off the monitor fully at nine months.

I feel blessed that Josh is doing so well. He is ready for the next phase of this family's journey, and that makes it easier to go through what is coming. I received my first appointment. I will be taking a two point charge and serving two churches in Ware Shoals, SC. Matt and I will be leaving our church on June 20, moving on June 30, and our first Sunday at our new churches will be July 4. We are so excited. And I feel better knowing Josh is strong enough to move. We will have lots of help moving from some great people.

We visited with our new church family on May 5. They were very welcoming and accepting. We feel like it is a good fit for us. We got to tour the bigger of the two churches. Due to a renter living in the parsonage, we were unable to see it, and we did not see the smaller church. We will be able to look at both early in June. The bigger church is wonderful! There is no office at the church, but there is an office/4th bedroom in the parsonage. That is wonderful for me, especially having Josh. I will be able to work at home and stay with Josh!

We can't wait to see the other church and our new home. And we can't wait to move into our new house. We are so ready for this next phase in our journey. I am thankful for all that God has done for us through this experience. I have been waiting for awhile, but am thankful it happened in God's time. We have a lot to do between now and June 30. We have to pack, get rid of stuff, hopefully get ready for a yard sale, clean and organize, and I have to go to licensing school and conference. We will be busy, busy, busy, but I know God will help get us through this stressful time.

Half a year already

Tomorrow, on May 1, my little monkey will be 6 months old! I can't believe it has been 6 months already! We have come so far in 6 months. And in some ways, it feels like he was born just yesterday. But in other ways, it feels like it is possible that it has been longer than six months. As we have neared this milestone, I have been reflecting a lot on that fateful day in November. Several important points have popped into my head through this reflection.

1.) Nothing, no, nothing at all, prepares you for the birth of your first child. Even if you having been trying for years to have a baby, and waiting for that day, you still don't know what to expect. I don't know how it is for men, but as a woman, there is a lot of anticipation and nerves involved over not knowing. Even after talking to plenty of other women, doctors, and reading anything and everything about childbirth, I don't think it is possible to be fully ready. There are a lot of unknowns in childbirth. Things can come up, and as one who likes to have everything planned out, childbirth was a shocking and difficult experience for me, especially in the circumstances surrounding Josh's birth. But I guess I better understand that with a young infant around, nothing goes according to plan!

2.) Nothing can describe the love you feel for your child. Matt and I were just talking about this last night. This love you feel is a new kind of love. It is very different from the love you have for your spouse. When you look at your child for the first time, there is the overwhelming sense of pride. I was in awe when I saw Josh. I couldn't believe that I had a hand in creating something so beautiful and precious. Childbirth really is a miracle. Josh brings me such joy. I love him with everything I am and everything I have. I would do anything for him. And along with this strong love comes the need to protect. You want to shield your child from harm, and I think that is much stronger after you have had a child in the NICU.

3.) Lastly, and most importantly, is that I was once again reminded that I am never truly alone. God reminded me that he is there. Matt and I experienced so many trials our first year of marriage. It was really overwhelming. But the repeated theme in the lessons seemed to be to trust in God because he would never leave or forsake us. Matt and I learned that lesson in a big way while Josh was in the hospital. God would bring us to something, and then would bring us through it. With God, we are able to get through anything. Matt and I both had to use strength we didn't even know we had while Josh was sick. God gave me the strength to get through it. God's will is perfect. I will never understand why Josh needed to go through that, but I know that God did not leave Josh, or Matt and me, for one second. This experience is just something that made me stronger, made my marriage stronger, and made me a better mother. Now, just because I was able to get through this, and can have a positive outlook, doesn't mean I would want to go through it again!

I imagine there will be some celebrating tomorrow. Where Josh is right now is where I have envisioned being. It is what I imagined having a baby would be like after I found out I was pregnant. Where we are now became some of my deepest hopes and desires while Josh was in the hospital. And now, it is my reality, and for that I am so thankful! I cherish each and every day with my miracle.

In honor of Josh's six month birthday, I want to be thankful for all progress. There are no signs of prematurity anymore! We have healthy lungs, healthy eyesight, and healthy hearing. Josh is long and has gained weight wonderfully (he goes to the doctor Wednesday; I will update more after the appointment, especially on his specific size). We have a good eater on our hands. He is eating baby food. He is teething and should have his first tooth soon. Josh has rolled over once and is trying to do it again. He has crawled once, as well. Our little one has a good amount of hair for a 6 month old. He has a great personality and he loves to laugh. These all sound like wonderful things to celebrate, and Matt and I will spend tomorrow doing just that!

All the Firsts

I love where we are with Josh right now. He is doing wonderfully. Being a mother is amazing. I know Matt loves being a father. And Matt is a great father. Josh is so precious and he is such a good baby. One of the best things about being a mother is all of the firsts. I feel so proud of Josh when he does something new for the first time. I love to watch his face when he does something for the first time or when he discovers something new. Watching Josh discover new things is bittersweet, though. It means Josh is growing up. But with Josh growing up is a good thing because we worked so hard to get here.

Where we are is where I have imagined being since we brought Josh home. This is the closure I have imagined having. This is the way I have wanted to feel. Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to wish away Josh's infancy. You can ask Matt; I am hanging onto as much as I can. I have just wanted Josh to be on a platform comparable to other infants. It doesn't mean Josh was loved less or that we considered Josh different. Josh has always been special, and I think we loved him a little more because of what we all went through. Matt and I learned at an early point how important it is not to take your child for granted. I just love looking at my precious son and not seeing any signs of prematurity!

At almost 5 1/2 months Josh is almost 16 pounds. Matt has a co-worker who's wife gave birth a few days after me. Their son is not even a pound bigger than Josh! We knew Josh is above the 55th percentile in weight. He is doing so well. We have not measured him recently, but we are guessing he is about 24 inches long. He is still a little on the short side, but with Matt, at 6'3", as his father, I am not too worried about it. I know he will catch up in height eventually. Plus, girls are often taller than boys eventually because they hit puberty sooner. I remember being taller than most boys I knew well into middle school. But now that Josh is eating baby food, the doctor mentioned he won't gain as fast as he has been. It is the milk and formula that puts on the weight. Even with Josh leveling off, he is still on track. The doctor mentioned that baby's gain differently and a lot of factors affect their weight gain. He told me that at 1 year there is a wide range of weights a baby could be. The apparent normal weight for a 1 year old is between 19-27 pounds. So Josh is definitely on track!

Josh is doing so well. Some of the firsts we are experiencing with Josh right now are normal, but on some of them Josh is considered to be developing fastly for a preemie. Josh is trying so bad to talk. He also loves to play games. Josh is fascinated with the TV and we let him watch a few TV shows. In typical child fashion, Josh loves Sesame Street! He loves music and we let him listen as much as he likes. Josh is crazy about stories. He loves to look at the pictures. We are working on Dr. Seuss right now.

Josh can take his passy out and put it back in. He has been taking it out forever, but now he can put it back in the right way. Our little boy is also teething. He has three tooth buds, which means three teeth will be coming in soon. He has been teething for a couple weeks. The doctor thinks the first one will be in by six months! Also, Josh is trying to roll over. He has been trying forever. He is almost there. He just can't throw that last shoulder over. Josh should figure it out soon. He gets closer every day. I imagine he will master this within the next couple weeks. Yesterday we were having tummy time on the floor. He was having a good time playing. He decided to start trying to roll over. He was getting so mad that he couldn't do it. So then he decided to try to do something amazing. He started to crawl! Not a normal crawl, but across the floor on his elbows like he was in war. Matt called it the Vietnam crawl. He went about 4 or 5 feet on his elbows! We were so proud of him! That is a step in the right direction. He will be up on his hands and knees before we know it!

We are so blessed that he is doing so well. With Josh we are not experiencing near the delay, if any, that we expected. There are no visible or internal signs that he was a preemie. No hearing loss, no eye problems, no weakened immune system, and now he is developing on time and even earlier. We are so thankful! God truly is amazing and a miracle worker! Our baby is just fine. His acid reflux even seems to be subsiding way earlier than we expected. We couldn't be any luckier than we have been. Josh has his sixth month checkup on May the fifth. He will get his shots, and will probably be taken off his caffeine (for the apnea). Josh is now on the smallest dose of caffeine possible. He just moved down yesterday. If there are no flare ups before our next doctor's appointment, then we are golden. They will give us permission to take him off the caffeine. If he does well off the caffeine for a couple weeks, the monitor will come off. I am so thankful that the monitor should be off by the end of May! God is so good! I will update after our next appointment, if not before.

My big boy

We are so proud of our big, little boy. He is doing so well. Josh had his four month appointment today, which means shots. Everything went well with the doctor. Josh got five vaccines today, but they were mixed into two shots so Josh only got stuck twice. The nurses are really good about it. They stick him at the same time. It still breaks my heart to watch him get his shots. I feel like such a bad mother for letting him experience pain, but I know this is necessary. I know that I am really being the best mother I can be by getting my son vaccinated. Josh decided today that it wasn't necessary to cry until they had pulled the shots out of his little leg. And he only cried for a second. He is such a good boy when we go to the doctor.

We had a good visit with the doctor. My little monkey is now 14 pounds! He moved up from around the 15-20% in weight to between the 35-40%. We are so proud of him. He is still pretty short, only reaching about 22 inches in length, but we know that his height will catch up later, especially since his daddy is so tall. Josh is developing right on schedule. There is no evidence of prematurity, other than his size. He is smart and has physical development that is where it should be for a 4 1/2 month old. The doctor says the only thing that may concern me is that he may appear to crawl, walk, or talk late, but that boys do these things later than girls.

Our little monkey has marvelous head control so we got the green light to feed him baby food! I am so excited for this. I was under the impression that we would be told we could only give him baby cereal at first, but the doctor felt that since he had been having cereal in his bottle for awhile now, that he could eat some baby food as well. The plan is to let him have two meals a day. We are giving him baby cereal in a dish for one meal. He can have baby food at another meal, and still get some cereal in his bottle before bed. The doctor wanted us to start Josh on fruit. So tonight Josh ate apples and he loved them! The doctor said intially Josh may only eat a few bites while he got used to taste, texture, and the spoon, and then he would build up to half a container within a couple weeks. Well, Josh went ahead and ate half the container of apples. I knew we would have a good eater on our hands!

The other good report from the doctor involves his caffeine and the apnea monitor. Josh has been back down to 0.4 mL of caffeine once a day (as opposed to 0.6). He will be on 0.4 for three weeks, and if he handles that well he will move down to 0.2 until his 6 month checkup on May 5. If he has tolerated all of that well, he will come off his medicine on May 5. Then we will only have to keep him on the monitor 2-4 weeks longer! Praise God! I am so ready for him to lose that monitor.

I feel so much better after such a great checkup. I have been waiting for Josh to thrive like this. This has been a long time coming. We have come so far from where we were in December. I think about all the nights I spent crying in November and December, wondering why we were going through that; wondering what I had done wrong and I thought it would never get better. Now I feel so humbled and blessed. There was a beautiful lesson in everything we went through. I know I will never take my beautiful little boy for granted. He is such a precious gift from God. And he is growing up so fast! I am so proud of his improvement. I look at him and know I am blessed and lucky to be his mom. He is going to be just fine. I praise God for all of this.

Time....

I can't believe how time is flying! Yesterday our little booger was 4 months old....a third of a year. Matt and I celebrated for Josh with a cake. I was just itching for some cake, so I made a red velvet cake in honor of my favorite little monkey. I just can't believe time. Time really changes when you are a mom. Some days it seems like yesterday that he was born. At other times, it feels like forever ago.

Josh is changing in so many ways. He is starting to look more and more like me. When he was born he looked mainly like Matt. I did not believe he was my boy because he did not resemble me at all. He still looks a great deal like his handsome daddy, though. Josh is looking so grown up. It kills me sometimes.

And he is so big. Josh is weighing around 11 pounds and he has got to be about 24 inches long. And he is a great eater! The doctor said if Josh could hold his head up when we went for his four month shots in March, that he would give us permission to feed Josh cereal at his next appointment. And Josh can hold his head up. We are also anticipating at his next appointment that the doctor will start backing off of Josh's caffeine in preparation to take him off his monitor. The goal is to have him off the monitor at six months. It is coming and I am so excited!

Josh has quite the personality. He is at such a fun age right now. He plays games, and is learning to love, and play, with his toys. Now he can focus and he recognizes things. He will smile when he sees us come in his view. He loves a few shows on the Disney Channel. And he makes sounds now. He tries so hard to talk to us. He will just coo and coo. We have also learned that we can make him giggle when you play with him or if you tickle him. It is so cute.

Another big thing for us is routine. Josh has gotten very used to a routine. He goes to bed around 10 at night. He will sleep until sometime between 4 and 6. Josh no longer hates baths or diaper changes. He has even gotten used to his diaper and wardrobe changing. He will help us by pulling up his legs so we can take them out of his outfits. And he will help pull his arms out of his sleeves when we change his clothes. I swear, our little boy is so smart!

I am at the point where I know I will be ready to think about another baby soon. I told Matt just this evening that I wanted another little boy. And wouldn't you know, he wants a girl. We do want to wait until Josh is a little over. We both believe that we will know when the time is right. Right now we are going to enjoy this time with just Joshua. He will be cutting teeth and crawling and walking before we know it!

A quarter of a year

I can't believe that Josh is three months old! Yesterday our little boy was 3 months old! It was a great day for me. Each day I realize more and more how blessed and lucky we are to have Josh. He truly has blessed our lives in so many ways. I can't wait to see what the next years hold for all of us.

I love how Josh changes. So much is new and different with him each day. I love to see him learn new things. It is a bittersweet feeling, though. I am having to come to term with the fact that my little boy won't be little for long. He is now around 10 pounds. I already am finding myself not wanting him to wear certain outfits because they make him look like a "big boy." Some times I recognize the need for him to grow up. And I want him to walk and talk. But then other times I want him to be small for just a little longer so I can always hold him. I want to share those sweet little moments with him, like when I hold him to feed him and he rubs my hands or grabs my hair. And for the past 5 nights he has slept through the night! That is a big milestone. We are so proud of our little monkey boy!

My healing process has continued and gotten better. Matt and I watched the 19 Kids and Counting special about the birth of the nineteenth Duggar baby, who was also a preemie. Seeing someone else go through what I went through makes it a little easier to deal with what I had to go through because I know I am not alone. There was a lot of crying during that show. Someone was able to put into words how I felt. But afterwards, I felt better. I was able to grieve in a different way and it brought me further in my healing process.

I can see how far I have come in three months. I see how far we all have come. What is important to me is to stay positive. I try not to be bitter or angry, and a lot of those feelings have left me. And I definitely do not worry about feeling cheated. I try to focus on all the positives; like the fact that we got to meet our little boy 6 weeks early. And how he has grown healthy and strong. Josh is a determined little fighter. He gets that from his parents! I try to focus on the many ways he is blessing our lives. And I know there will be other chances to experience the whole shebang. There will be other Baird babies in the future. Matt and I hope to have two more children, unless Baird baby two goes through similar problems as Josh did. We are blessed and it will be a great future. I can't wait!

It's going to be a great year

Things are going well for all of us. It still feels surreal to have him at home. We love him being here with us. I think having Josh in the NICU for so long has caused Matt and me to be a little more protective than we would have been. Now don't get me wrong, he is our first child so we would have been protective regardless. But him spending so long in the NICU has caused us to realize how fragile he is. If Matt could put Josh in a bubble I think he would.

Josh had a doctors appointment today for his two month shots (just a couple weeks late). He did so well with his shots. He cried for a few seconds and then stopped. We got a great report at the doc's today. Josh is now 9 pounds and 20 1/2 inches long! We are so pleased that he is growing so well. He will be ten pounds before we know it! If Josh does not get sick, we do not have to go back to the doctor until he gets his four month shots in the middle of March.

The beginning of this week has been a cause for celebration for Matt, Josh, and me. Yesterday marks the day that Josh was at home for more than he was in the hospital. He was in the NICU for 38 days, and yesterday marked day 39 that he was home with us! I was so excited. It's amazing what kind of things you mark after your child has been in the hospital for so long.

Having Josh in the hospital for so long has caused us to appreciate the little things even more. Not that a first time parent does not enjoy all the firsts; I think Matt and I just appreciate them a little more. We take notice of everything. Our little booger has such a personality. He loves to swing and spend time in his bouncy seat. Joshua also loves to watch TV and listen to music. Josh will move his head and body to the beat of the music. And if you sit Josh on your lap he can bounce himself. He is so precious when he does that! Josh is sleeping well, almost through the night now. I love the looks he gives us. He smiles a whole lot at his mommy and daddy. Josh has gotten better when we change his diaper. Now if he could just learn to enjoy his bath. Josh is also out of his preemie outfits, and almost out of his newborn outfits. He is heading into 0-3 months which makes Mommy so proud!

This past Saturday, Matt's family threw Josh his shower. It was late, but better late than never. And it worked out perfect to do it this way. How many babies can say that they attended one of their own showers. I am glad some more of Matt's family members were finally able to meet Josh. We all had a great time. Josh got a lot of neat gifts. I was so excited that they wanted to do that for us. The shower was especially good for me. I missed my showers. The first one was scheduled for the day Josh was born. This was a chance for me to heal. This really was the strong beginning of my healing process. I had felt bitter and cheated for so long about the circumstances around Josh's birth. And now, I got to experience something every other pregnant woman has. I really needed that.

This year, so far, has been a turning point for Matt and me. Last year was so rough for us in many ways. But this year is going to be different. I keep reminding myself that attitude is everything. But even if we hit as many rough spots as we did last year, we still have each other. We also have Josh. And all that matters is that he is happy and healthy. And he brings so much joy to our lives.

Happy New Year

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I always love the holidays. It is so much fun spending that time with friends and family. After Christmas and New Years are over, I find myself feeling bummed out because it is another whole year before they come back. I just love the feelings I get during the holiday season. I really wish every day could be like Christmas!

Anyway, I was even more bummed out this year when the holidays left. I think it was because I did not have as much time to prepare and enjoy the holidays this year. So much time was wrapped up with Josh at the hospital and worrying about him. I was not able to worry about shopping and decorating the house like I wanted to. Matt and I have already decided that next year we are going all out! I cannot wait.

But in some ways this was the best holiday season ever. Josh was at home for Christmas! He came home December 10th, so Matt and I had Christmas two weeks early, and we definitely got the best Christmas present ever! It was also the first Christmas we had spent married, since we got married right after the new year in 2009. It was so wonderful to spend Christmas with our families and to have Josh there too.

This holiday season has caused me to have a lot of surreal feelings. I can't believe I am here and that my life has ended up like it has. Everything has happened so fast for us. I never expected that our first Christmas married we would already have a child. I don't even think I was expecting to be pregnant our first Christmas as a married couple. I guess that is the beauty of God's plan! Everything happens the way it is supposed to. Our one year anniversary was this past Sunday. I was sitting on the couch that night with Josh in my arms and I just started crying. I really never expected that on the night of our one year anniversay I would be sitting on the couch holding our two month old son. I figured we would be out celebrating. But it was so much better this way! Josh is a beautiful blessing in our lives!

2009 was a year of rough patches, but also a year of some of the most beautiful moments in my life. Matt and I experienced some tough moments this past year. I can look back at the year and see how much I have grown. I am thankful for the growth and thankful for the tests in my life that God brought me through and that made me stronger. I am even more thankful for the good moments this year: I am thankful for my husband and our wedding, for the beautiful baby God created through us in March, I am thankful for graduating with my Master's degree this past May (hopefully this is my last degree), and for the birth of our son in November and the blessing he has been to us this past two months.

I can't wait to see what this new year will bring. The new year really is a great time for a new beginning. A chance to start fresh. For me, it is the chance to have a fresh, positive outlook and attitude on life. It is a chance to vow to do things differently. I welcome whatever 2010 can bring. Even if 2010 is easier than last year when I faced so many tests and trials, I don't think it could be a better year. So much happened in 2009 that I am thankful for. I wish everyone a very happy new year and pray that God blesses you all during your new year.