This past Friday, on December 10, 2010, this family shared a very important milestone: it had been exactly one year since our little monkey came home from the hospital!! It was a very beautiful day and a beautiful thing to celebrate. The day was even complete with a few tears from me.
It is still hard to think about those days sometimes. I find myself still asking "WHY?" Honestly, I still don't think it is fair. There is a slight tinge of bitterness remaining. But then I think about all the blessings that came out of it. First of all, my little monkey did not have a December birthday (and if you know me, you know that was a fear of mine). Secondly, I got to meet my little boy 6 1/2 weeks early! I spent time taking care of him, holding him, feeding him, and changing his diaper well before I was supposed to. Thirdly, him coming early was time I did not spend pregnant and miserable! And lastly, Josh has a story. He was a miracle from the beginning. We see his story, the fact that he was a preemie, as a badge of honor. It is something we overcame and something we are proud of him for. Josh will be able to minister to people, and because of what I went through, I will be able to help more women in my congregations.
I still remember the day we brought him home. We had roomed in the night before at the hospital to get the hang of spending a night with him. We had access to a nurse if we needed one. And that was helpful, especially since Josh was on that apnea monitor. We had a great night, but there was not a lot of sleep! The next morning around 7:30, the morning nurse came to get him and said she would call him after the doctor came in and made a decision. It seemed like we waited forever!! She finally called (close to 9) and said we could come to the nursery. The doctor had released Josh!! I have never been so happy in my whole life. We went to the nursery to fill out paperwork and help get Josh ready to leave. We got out of the hospital around 10 AM. I cried when we left the hospital! I called my mom and told her we were on the way home with Josh, still crying. We got Josh home, showed him around the house, and got him settled. Then Matt had to go to work because he only took half a day off work. I cried when Matt left, not knowing if I could care for him by myself, but we had a great afternoon! It was the start of something beautiful!
It definitely was hard leaving him in the hospital, but it was heaven when he came home. I know he was in the best place for him. It would have killed me if he had come home and we had to take him back. Part of the reason Josh was in the hospital so long was because of his own stubborness. The rest of it was the doctors taking so long to figure out everything that was wrong with him, and misdiagnosing him several times. That did make me a little upset with the doctors and I was getting impatient. The original hope and timeline was for him to be home in time for Thanksgiving, and it could have happened. Josh was big enough, but it wasn't in God's plan. I guess God was trying to teach me patience. And Josh being in the hospital gave me time to rest because once he came home, I wasn't getting much rest!
I spent part of this beautiful anniversary healing. My healing process has seemed slow, but it has progressed. I have come far in a year. And it seems like in the last 2 1/2 months I have made the most progress. I think my healing is pretty close to complete, although I do have days where I take steps backward. On this anniversary, I took photos of Josh and went to Shutterfly to make a photo book. I told Josh's story in pictures, with no words, over the first year of his life. You can see how he grew and changed! It reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for. And Josh is not that little boy anymore. He is big, strong, and healthy. Seeing his progress step by step over the first year definitely made it easier. And my focus needs to be on my little boy right now, not who he was at 3 pounds 7 ounces!
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