Today I am a new woman; a woman with options! Yesterday I had no options. But today, a new world of possibilities have been presented to me. A day really can change so much! This may not be a big deal to some, but it's a big deal to me.
I had my appointment with my OB today. If I haven't mentioned that I love my OB, well, now you know. She is remarkable! Switching and making her the provider of my female care was the best decision I made. I just felt I needed to get a new doctor after Joshua and his situation. It wasn't because I was mad at them or didn't trust them, although they did do me wrong. My decision was because of the bad memories I would have. God was looking out for me in this decision!
So we got some news today. My OB is pleased with my progress and she is encouraged that we are going to make it! Praise God! No signs of preeclampsia! Again, praise God! I had a physical exam today and am a little more than a centimeter dialated. My cervix is low and soft and getting ready to go. And then the surprising news: baby girl has dropped and is in birth position. My OB felt her head! My OB has scheduled my c-section for July 30 because medically she cannot schedule it sooner without a reason, and I am giving her no reason. On the 30th, I will be 39 weeks and 2 days, but she does not think I will go that long! She thinks I will surprise her, like I have been my whole pregnancy. She thinks I will go into labor on my own before the 30th.
So what does that mean? If I go into labor on my own and progress nicely, I may be able to have Rachel, actually give birth to her! If you know my story and experience with Josh, you know this is a big deal. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. It unnerves me that we know the day Rachel could be born, but that I may not make it to that point. I could go into labor any time really. My OB says it could be in about 3 weeks, which puts me at 37 1/2 weeks! Wow!
I am not trying to get my hopes up, but I can possibly have options now. And the best part is that these options can be on my terms. If labor gets too hard or I am not progressing like I would like to be, I can ask for the c-section. I have another appointment on July 9. We will talk about it more then. The doctor was going to check to make sure that my interior scar is horizontal because she wasn't sure since she didn't do it. If that scar is vertical, it throws my chances out the window. If my scar is horizontal then I think we need to talk about some pros and cons and some realistic goals and expectations for me to have if I go into labor on my own. If I don't go into labor by the 30th, then none of this is an issue.
If you know me well, you know this may have been difficult for me to hear. I am such a planner by nature. And the plan has been from the beginning to have a c-section. I have been dreading it, mainly the anesthesia, but have prepared myself because I have gotten through it before. I also have been telling myself that if I didn't have preeclampsia this time, then recovery would start out easier. I have prepared myself for the c-section so much that the thought of something else disrupted my planning nature. It was such a shock! Plus, this has been what I wanted so bad for so long, if it doesn't happen I don't want to be crushed. I don't want to go through 18 hours of labor, just for it to end in an emergency section. This is a decision that Matt and I will be talking about over the next few days. I don't have to try labor, but I might be able to. Stay tuned to see what happens.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
It's My Turn!
It's my turn! That's how I feel right now! I am next on the list of people I know to have a baby. Woo Hoo!
I didn't ever think I would get to this point, and I mean that in two ways. First of all, I thought I could possibly deliver before some of the ladies I know who had a due date before me. And secondly, this point at the end of June has taken forever to get here. I have been waiting for these friends, acquaintances, and family members to have their kids so my turn would be one step closer.
Boy, has it been a long wait! Since April, I have known 9 or 10 women whose due dates have come and gone. I have anxiously awaited the birth of their babies, like I have been awaiting the birth of my own. Each baby born was one more ticked off the list; one step closer to Rachel's turn. And I am next on the list. Anytime in the next 5 weeks, I will enter an OR with Rachel in my belly, and I will come out with a precious, little angel in my arms. This is what I have been waiting for.
It felt really good last week to realize my time is coming. 4-5 weeks feels so close, but yet so far. It feels so far because I know what it would mean for my second miracle baby if she were born now. But her brother made it, and I know she could too. But the one piece of good news is I am past the point of steroid shots being beneficial to us if a problem were to arise. Baby girl's lungs would be able to function and will be fully formed by 35 weeks (Saturday), they just need more practice!
Last week, on the 20th, my cousin's wife and a friend of mine both had their first babies on the same day. They were the last two before me. I was ecstatic for them, and then it sunk in: I won't be watching and waiting for news of anyone else having a baby because next it will be me! I know several women who are due after me: 4 to be exact. I told Matt that I hope they don't go before me because this is my turn. Plus, I would be worried for them, knowing that it would be too early for these babies.
The best thing about all of this is realizing the gift I have been given. I watched most of these friends of mine announce their pregnancies. I was always happy, never jealous. But part of me was wondering if I would ever have another biological child; if I should even consider or try to do that. I told God if He wanted me to have another baby, He needed to make it happen. And through this pregnancy He has taught me to trust, and I have a deeper faith. Here I am at almost 34 1/2 weeks, almost 2 weeks further than I went with Josh and all I can say is I am blessed. I didn't do anything to get here. He is watching out for us. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow, so we will see what we find out about our miracle, Rachel!
I didn't ever think I would get to this point, and I mean that in two ways. First of all, I thought I could possibly deliver before some of the ladies I know who had a due date before me. And secondly, this point at the end of June has taken forever to get here. I have been waiting for these friends, acquaintances, and family members to have their kids so my turn would be one step closer.
Boy, has it been a long wait! Since April, I have known 9 or 10 women whose due dates have come and gone. I have anxiously awaited the birth of their babies, like I have been awaiting the birth of my own. Each baby born was one more ticked off the list; one step closer to Rachel's turn. And I am next on the list. Anytime in the next 5 weeks, I will enter an OR with Rachel in my belly, and I will come out with a precious, little angel in my arms. This is what I have been waiting for.
It felt really good last week to realize my time is coming. 4-5 weeks feels so close, but yet so far. It feels so far because I know what it would mean for my second miracle baby if she were born now. But her brother made it, and I know she could too. But the one piece of good news is I am past the point of steroid shots being beneficial to us if a problem were to arise. Baby girl's lungs would be able to function and will be fully formed by 35 weeks (Saturday), they just need more practice!
Last week, on the 20th, my cousin's wife and a friend of mine both had their first babies on the same day. They were the last two before me. I was ecstatic for them, and then it sunk in: I won't be watching and waiting for news of anyone else having a baby because next it will be me! I know several women who are due after me: 4 to be exact. I told Matt that I hope they don't go before me because this is my turn. Plus, I would be worried for them, knowing that it would be too early for these babies.
The best thing about all of this is realizing the gift I have been given. I watched most of these friends of mine announce their pregnancies. I was always happy, never jealous. But part of me was wondering if I would ever have another biological child; if I should even consider or try to do that. I told God if He wanted me to have another baby, He needed to make it happen. And through this pregnancy He has taught me to trust, and I have a deeper faith. Here I am at almost 34 1/2 weeks, almost 2 weeks further than I went with Josh and all I can say is I am blessed. I didn't do anything to get here. He is watching out for us. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow, so we will see what we find out about our miracle, Rachel!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Life at 33 1/2 weeks
Things have been busy the past few weeks. I guess there are two big pieces of news to share. First and foremost, I have been commissioned!! It has been a long, hard road, but I made it. I appreciate the love, support, and prayers of everyone along this journey. Last week at Annual Conference (Sunday - Wednesday) on the last day, I was commissioned with my peers. It was a beautiful and humbling experience. I thoroughly enjoyed the service. I enjoyed seeing some friends of mine get ordained, and felt hopeful knowing that I will be there in a few years. My experience was made even more beautiful by feeling my precious daughter moving around. It's like she knew it was a special day for me. I was pregnant with Josh at seminary graduation and I shared my commissioning experience with little Ms. Rachel. I am extremely blessed. What big surprises will I have when I get ordained?
The second piece of big news: I am 33 1/2 weeks pregnant and STILL pregnant. I am currently pregnant now longer than I was with Josh by 6 days. Last week when I reached the day where I gave birth to Josh, there were a lot of tears. Tears over Josh being born early and everything he had to go through. Tears over the early ending of that pregnancy. And then on Friday, when I had been pregnant one day longer, there were overwhelming tears of joy. I felt joy and blessed and humbled. I was so thankful to still be pregnant, and blessed that it appears there is no reason Rachel should come early.
Overall, I still feel good. That is such a relief, especially since I felt so bad while I was pregnant with Josh. I am dealing with some minor inconveniences that I missed out on with Josh. I get up at least 2 times every night to go to the bathroom, but normally, it is closer to 4 times a night. I am experiencing horrid heartburn and some uncomfortable, pretty constant back pain, which is on top of the sciatica I was already experiencing. But these later pregnancy problems are worth it if I can carry Rachel close to term.
My next appointment is a week from today. After that appointment, I will go to the doctor weekly and can probably expect to have weekly non-stress tests. My OB originally said she would deliver me around 39 weeks. The exact date appears to be between 38 1/2 and 39 1/2 weeks (Somewhere between July 25 and August 1). But if the non-stress tests show us that Rachel needs to come earlier, my doctor won't hesitate to deliver her at 37 or 38 if she has to. So we have not scheduled my delivery yet, but I am hoping to have an idea soon. I am also hoping to see Rachel at my next appointment to see how big she is. I have also been wondering if I have dialated or effaced any. At my 31 week appointment with Josh the process had already started. I will be certain to update after my appointment next week. Until then.
The second piece of big news: I am 33 1/2 weeks pregnant and STILL pregnant. I am currently pregnant now longer than I was with Josh by 6 days. Last week when I reached the day where I gave birth to Josh, there were a lot of tears. Tears over Josh being born early and everything he had to go through. Tears over the early ending of that pregnancy. And then on Friday, when I had been pregnant one day longer, there were overwhelming tears of joy. I felt joy and blessed and humbled. I was so thankful to still be pregnant, and blessed that it appears there is no reason Rachel should come early.
Overall, I still feel good. That is such a relief, especially since I felt so bad while I was pregnant with Josh. I am dealing with some minor inconveniences that I missed out on with Josh. I get up at least 2 times every night to go to the bathroom, but normally, it is closer to 4 times a night. I am experiencing horrid heartburn and some uncomfortable, pretty constant back pain, which is on top of the sciatica I was already experiencing. But these later pregnancy problems are worth it if I can carry Rachel close to term.
My next appointment is a week from today. After that appointment, I will go to the doctor weekly and can probably expect to have weekly non-stress tests. My OB originally said she would deliver me around 39 weeks. The exact date appears to be between 38 1/2 and 39 1/2 weeks (Somewhere between July 25 and August 1). But if the non-stress tests show us that Rachel needs to come earlier, my doctor won't hesitate to deliver her at 37 or 38 if she has to. So we have not scheduled my delivery yet, but I am hoping to have an idea soon. I am also hoping to see Rachel at my next appointment to see how big she is. I have also been wondering if I have dialated or effaced any. At my 31 week appointment with Josh the process had already started. I will be certain to update after my appointment next week. Until then.
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