Tomorrow, on May 1, my little monkey will be 6 months old! I can't believe it has been 6 months already! We have come so far in 6 months. And in some ways, it feels like he was born just yesterday. But in other ways, it feels like it is possible that it has been longer than six months. As we have neared this milestone, I have been reflecting a lot on that fateful day in November. Several important points have popped into my head through this reflection.
1.) Nothing, no, nothing at all, prepares you for the birth of your first child. Even if you having been trying for years to have a baby, and waiting for that day, you still don't know what to expect. I don't know how it is for men, but as a woman, there is a lot of anticipation and nerves involved over not knowing. Even after talking to plenty of other women, doctors, and reading anything and everything about childbirth, I don't think it is possible to be fully ready. There are a lot of unknowns in childbirth. Things can come up, and as one who likes to have everything planned out, childbirth was a shocking and difficult experience for me, especially in the circumstances surrounding Josh's birth. But I guess I better understand that with a young infant around, nothing goes according to plan!
2.) Nothing can describe the love you feel for your child. Matt and I were just talking about this last night. This love you feel is a new kind of love. It is very different from the love you have for your spouse. When you look at your child for the first time, there is the overwhelming sense of pride. I was in awe when I saw Josh. I couldn't believe that I had a hand in creating something so beautiful and precious. Childbirth really is a miracle. Josh brings me such joy. I love him with everything I am and everything I have. I would do anything for him. And along with this strong love comes the need to protect. You want to shield your child from harm, and I think that is much stronger after you have had a child in the NICU.
3.) Lastly, and most importantly, is that I was once again reminded that I am never truly alone. God reminded me that he is there. Matt and I experienced so many trials our first year of marriage. It was really overwhelming. But the repeated theme in the lessons seemed to be to trust in God because he would never leave or forsake us. Matt and I learned that lesson in a big way while Josh was in the hospital. God would bring us to something, and then would bring us through it. With God, we are able to get through anything. Matt and I both had to use strength we didn't even know we had while Josh was sick. God gave me the strength to get through it. God's will is perfect. I will never understand why Josh needed to go through that, but I know that God did not leave Josh, or Matt and me, for one second. This experience is just something that made me stronger, made my marriage stronger, and made me a better mother. Now, just because I was able to get through this, and can have a positive outlook, doesn't mean I would want to go through it again!
I imagine there will be some celebrating tomorrow. Where Josh is right now is where I have envisioned being. It is what I imagined having a baby would be like after I found out I was pregnant. Where we are now became some of my deepest hopes and desires while Josh was in the hospital. And now, it is my reality, and for that I am so thankful! I cherish each and every day with my miracle.
In honor of Josh's six month birthday, I want to be thankful for all progress. There are no signs of prematurity anymore! We have healthy lungs, healthy eyesight, and healthy hearing. Josh is long and has gained weight wonderfully (he goes to the doctor Wednesday; I will update more after the appointment, especially on his specific size). We have a good eater on our hands. He is eating baby food. He is teething and should have his first tooth soon. Josh has rolled over once and is trying to do it again. He has crawled once, as well. Our little one has a good amount of hair for a 6 month old. He has a great personality and he loves to laugh. These all sound like wonderful things to celebrate, and Matt and I will spend tomorrow doing just that!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
All the Firsts
I love where we are with Josh right now. He is doing wonderfully. Being a mother is amazing. I know Matt loves being a father. And Matt is a great father. Josh is so precious and he is such a good baby. One of the best things about being a mother is all of the firsts. I feel so proud of Josh when he does something new for the first time. I love to watch his face when he does something for the first time or when he discovers something new. Watching Josh discover new things is bittersweet, though. It means Josh is growing up. But with Josh growing up is a good thing because we worked so hard to get here.
Where we are is where I have imagined being since we brought Josh home. This is the closure I have imagined having. This is the way I have wanted to feel. Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to wish away Josh's infancy. You can ask Matt; I am hanging onto as much as I can. I have just wanted Josh to be on a platform comparable to other infants. It doesn't mean Josh was loved less or that we considered Josh different. Josh has always been special, and I think we loved him a little more because of what we all went through. Matt and I learned at an early point how important it is not to take your child for granted. I just love looking at my precious son and not seeing any signs of prematurity!
At almost 5 1/2 months Josh is almost 16 pounds. Matt has a co-worker who's wife gave birth a few days after me. Their son is not even a pound bigger than Josh! We knew Josh is above the 55th percentile in weight. He is doing so well. We have not measured him recently, but we are guessing he is about 24 inches long. He is still a little on the short side, but with Matt, at 6'3", as his father, I am not too worried about it. I know he will catch up in height eventually. Plus, girls are often taller than boys eventually because they hit puberty sooner. I remember being taller than most boys I knew well into middle school. But now that Josh is eating baby food, the doctor mentioned he won't gain as fast as he has been. It is the milk and formula that puts on the weight. Even with Josh leveling off, he is still on track. The doctor mentioned that baby's gain differently and a lot of factors affect their weight gain. He told me that at 1 year there is a wide range of weights a baby could be. The apparent normal weight for a 1 year old is between 19-27 pounds. So Josh is definitely on track!
Josh is doing so well. Some of the firsts we are experiencing with Josh right now are normal, but on some of them Josh is considered to be developing fastly for a preemie. Josh is trying so bad to talk. He also loves to play games. Josh is fascinated with the TV and we let him watch a few TV shows. In typical child fashion, Josh loves Sesame Street! He loves music and we let him listen as much as he likes. Josh is crazy about stories. He loves to look at the pictures. We are working on Dr. Seuss right now.
Josh can take his passy out and put it back in. He has been taking it out forever, but now he can put it back in the right way. Our little boy is also teething. He has three tooth buds, which means three teeth will be coming in soon. He has been teething for a couple weeks. The doctor thinks the first one will be in by six months! Also, Josh is trying to roll over. He has been trying forever. He is almost there. He just can't throw that last shoulder over. Josh should figure it out soon. He gets closer every day. I imagine he will master this within the next couple weeks. Yesterday we were having tummy time on the floor. He was having a good time playing. He decided to start trying to roll over. He was getting so mad that he couldn't do it. So then he decided to try to do something amazing. He started to crawl! Not a normal crawl, but across the floor on his elbows like he was in war. Matt called it the Vietnam crawl. He went about 4 or 5 feet on his elbows! We were so proud of him! That is a step in the right direction. He will be up on his hands and knees before we know it!
We are so blessed that he is doing so well. With Josh we are not experiencing near the delay, if any, that we expected. There are no visible or internal signs that he was a preemie. No hearing loss, no eye problems, no weakened immune system, and now he is developing on time and even earlier. We are so thankful! God truly is amazing and a miracle worker! Our baby is just fine. His acid reflux even seems to be subsiding way earlier than we expected. We couldn't be any luckier than we have been. Josh has his sixth month checkup on May the fifth. He will get his shots, and will probably be taken off his caffeine (for the apnea). Josh is now on the smallest dose of caffeine possible. He just moved down yesterday. If there are no flare ups before our next doctor's appointment, then we are golden. They will give us permission to take him off the caffeine. If he does well off the caffeine for a couple weeks, the monitor will come off. I am so thankful that the monitor should be off by the end of May! God is so good! I will update after our next appointment, if not before.
Where we are is where I have imagined being since we brought Josh home. This is the closure I have imagined having. This is the way I have wanted to feel. Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to wish away Josh's infancy. You can ask Matt; I am hanging onto as much as I can. I have just wanted Josh to be on a platform comparable to other infants. It doesn't mean Josh was loved less or that we considered Josh different. Josh has always been special, and I think we loved him a little more because of what we all went through. Matt and I learned at an early point how important it is not to take your child for granted. I just love looking at my precious son and not seeing any signs of prematurity!
At almost 5 1/2 months Josh is almost 16 pounds. Matt has a co-worker who's wife gave birth a few days after me. Their son is not even a pound bigger than Josh! We knew Josh is above the 55th percentile in weight. He is doing so well. We have not measured him recently, but we are guessing he is about 24 inches long. He is still a little on the short side, but with Matt, at 6'3", as his father, I am not too worried about it. I know he will catch up in height eventually. Plus, girls are often taller than boys eventually because they hit puberty sooner. I remember being taller than most boys I knew well into middle school. But now that Josh is eating baby food, the doctor mentioned he won't gain as fast as he has been. It is the milk and formula that puts on the weight. Even with Josh leveling off, he is still on track. The doctor mentioned that baby's gain differently and a lot of factors affect their weight gain. He told me that at 1 year there is a wide range of weights a baby could be. The apparent normal weight for a 1 year old is between 19-27 pounds. So Josh is definitely on track!
Josh is doing so well. Some of the firsts we are experiencing with Josh right now are normal, but on some of them Josh is considered to be developing fastly for a preemie. Josh is trying so bad to talk. He also loves to play games. Josh is fascinated with the TV and we let him watch a few TV shows. In typical child fashion, Josh loves Sesame Street! He loves music and we let him listen as much as he likes. Josh is crazy about stories. He loves to look at the pictures. We are working on Dr. Seuss right now.
Josh can take his passy out and put it back in. He has been taking it out forever, but now he can put it back in the right way. Our little boy is also teething. He has three tooth buds, which means three teeth will be coming in soon. He has been teething for a couple weeks. The doctor thinks the first one will be in by six months! Also, Josh is trying to roll over. He has been trying forever. He is almost there. He just can't throw that last shoulder over. Josh should figure it out soon. He gets closer every day. I imagine he will master this within the next couple weeks. Yesterday we were having tummy time on the floor. He was having a good time playing. He decided to start trying to roll over. He was getting so mad that he couldn't do it. So then he decided to try to do something amazing. He started to crawl! Not a normal crawl, but across the floor on his elbows like he was in war. Matt called it the Vietnam crawl. He went about 4 or 5 feet on his elbows! We were so proud of him! That is a step in the right direction. He will be up on his hands and knees before we know it!
We are so blessed that he is doing so well. With Josh we are not experiencing near the delay, if any, that we expected. There are no visible or internal signs that he was a preemie. No hearing loss, no eye problems, no weakened immune system, and now he is developing on time and even earlier. We are so thankful! God truly is amazing and a miracle worker! Our baby is just fine. His acid reflux even seems to be subsiding way earlier than we expected. We couldn't be any luckier than we have been. Josh has his sixth month checkup on May the fifth. He will get his shots, and will probably be taken off his caffeine (for the apnea). Josh is now on the smallest dose of caffeine possible. He just moved down yesterday. If there are no flare ups before our next doctor's appointment, then we are golden. They will give us permission to take him off the caffeine. If he does well off the caffeine for a couple weeks, the monitor will come off. I am so thankful that the monitor should be off by the end of May! God is so good! I will update after our next appointment, if not before.
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