Tomorrow, on May 1, my little monkey will be 6 months old! I can't believe it has been 6 months already! We have come so far in 6 months. And in some ways, it feels like he was born just yesterday. But in other ways, it feels like it is possible that it has been longer than six months. As we have neared this milestone, I have been reflecting a lot on that fateful day in November. Several important points have popped into my head through this reflection.
1.) Nothing, no, nothing at all, prepares you for the birth of your first child. Even if you having been trying for years to have a baby, and waiting for that day, you still don't know what to expect. I don't know how it is for men, but as a woman, there is a lot of anticipation and nerves involved over not knowing. Even after talking to plenty of other women, doctors, and reading anything and everything about childbirth, I don't think it is possible to be fully ready. There are a lot of unknowns in childbirth. Things can come up, and as one who likes to have everything planned out, childbirth was a shocking and difficult experience for me, especially in the circumstances surrounding Josh's birth. But I guess I better understand that with a young infant around, nothing goes according to plan!
2.) Nothing can describe the love you feel for your child. Matt and I were just talking about this last night. This love you feel is a new kind of love. It is very different from the love you have for your spouse. When you look at your child for the first time, there is the overwhelming sense of pride. I was in awe when I saw Josh. I couldn't believe that I had a hand in creating something so beautiful and precious. Childbirth really is a miracle. Josh brings me such joy. I love him with everything I am and everything I have. I would do anything for him. And along with this strong love comes the need to protect. You want to shield your child from harm, and I think that is much stronger after you have had a child in the NICU.
3.) Lastly, and most importantly, is that I was once again reminded that I am never truly alone. God reminded me that he is there. Matt and I experienced so many trials our first year of marriage. It was really overwhelming. But the repeated theme in the lessons seemed to be to trust in God because he would never leave or forsake us. Matt and I learned that lesson in a big way while Josh was in the hospital. God would bring us to something, and then would bring us through it. With God, we are able to get through anything. Matt and I both had to use strength we didn't even know we had while Josh was sick. God gave me the strength to get through it. God's will is perfect. I will never understand why Josh needed to go through that, but I know that God did not leave Josh, or Matt and me, for one second. This experience is just something that made me stronger, made my marriage stronger, and made me a better mother. Now, just because I was able to get through this, and can have a positive outlook, doesn't mean I would want to go through it again!
I imagine there will be some celebrating tomorrow. Where Josh is right now is where I have envisioned being. It is what I imagined having a baby would be like after I found out I was pregnant. Where we are now became some of my deepest hopes and desires while Josh was in the hospital. And now, it is my reality, and for that I am so thankful! I cherish each and every day with my miracle.
In honor of Josh's six month birthday, I want to be thankful for all progress. There are no signs of prematurity anymore! We have healthy lungs, healthy eyesight, and healthy hearing. Josh is long and has gained weight wonderfully (he goes to the doctor Wednesday; I will update more after the appointment, especially on his specific size). We have a good eater on our hands. He is eating baby food. He is teething and should have his first tooth soon. Josh has rolled over once and is trying to do it again. He has crawled once, as well. Our little one has a good amount of hair for a 6 month old. He has a great personality and he loves to laugh. These all sound like wonderful things to celebrate, and Matt and I will spend tomorrow doing just that!
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