Josh isn't a baby anymore

It truly is heartbreaking the day you realize your first child (and probably any child) is no longer a baby! Matt and I are at that point with Josh. He isn't a baby anymore, and it's sad. My little man is trying to walk. He crawls and scoots all over the place. He has 8 teeth and is getting another. Josh talks like crazy, He has about 11 - 12 words and phrases, or attempted words and phrases he says. Josh claps when he does something new. He explores new things. And his diet is now consisting of some real milk and more and more real people food with each new day. Definitely not a baby anymore. He is becoming a little toddler now. To watch him learn, say, and do new things makes me so proud, but it is also bittersweet. Does he have to grow up so fast? And this little monkey loves to assert his independence. He is stubborn and determined, and he throws some good temper tantrums. Now if only we could get him potty-trained, we really would have a little adult on our hands! I am only joking, I know it takes longer to potty train a boy. So we probably have 8 - 10 months or a year before we start that.

I imagine with different moms there are different feelings about when your child grows up. And different moms probably handle it in different ways. I am sure there will be times where I can't wait for Josh to reach the next stage of his growth and development. But I don't want to rush him growing up. And right now I am not liking going into the stage of toddlerhood. I wish I could just keep him as my little baby right now. I long for the days where I can rock him, snuggle him, feed him a bottle, and play with his hair. He is already getting to the point where he doesn't like to be held like a baby anymore! These days are leaving us much faster than I would like them to!

So how am I handling it? I have baby fever on the brain. Matt and I are not talking about trying right now, but that day is fast approaching. In some ways I am kind of surprised I am visiting this thought right now, but in other ways I am not. I did not have baby fever when I got pregnant with Josh. In fact, I was on birth control. I spent a large portion of my pregnancy scared. And I cried when I told my mom. It wasn't a good cry. I did not cry because I was so happy; like a woman who had been trying forever. My cry was more in sync with a teenage girl who has to tell her mom something like that. I felt so unprepared. It wasn't planned. I had only been married three months! I was still in school! I didn't have a full time job! So many worries. But God took care of it all. Now that I have Josh, I can't imagine life without a child. And I don't know how I got through without him!

I can see why I want another child. I also think a pregnancy will be much different trying to have a child, and actually already having a child. It seems like it will be much more enjoyable. But I know there are some thoughts on why I am surprised I am entertaining the idea of another child now. I have always been sort of a snob about having my kids spaced "just right." I never in my life thought I would be thinking about having a second child right after my first child turned one. I recognize that some of the idea could just be because Josh turned one. But overall, I think Matt and I are ready. And Josh would be a great big brother!

But some things have to happen first. One, we will definitely not be getting pregant (unless God has other plans, again) until after the first of the year. Two, in case anyone is unfamiliar, Methodists move their pastors around. I want to make sure I am not moving before I consider getting pregnant next year. I think it would be rude to go to a new church, work and get to know the people for four months, and then take my 2 month maternity leave. I should have an idea if I am moving around March or April. Three, I don't want a baby before Christmas, or even in the month of December at all. I was terrified and disappointed when I learned that Josh's due date was December 15. Too close to Christmas. So with all of that said, April or May would be the earliest we would probably start trying. April would put us due in January. Josh would be 2 years and 2 months. Sounds perfect to me! I don't want Josh to be under 2.

If we allot some extra time considering my first pregnancy, and realize that a baby could come early, we may not want to try before May. I am not anticipating or wanting another baby to come early. But that is another reason for waiting awhile. I want to lose some weight before I try again. I had preeclampsia with Josh, and if anyone knows anything about it, your chances increase with weight, and several other factors. My weight was my only risk factor. It also increases with age, race, and certain health conditions. I have a few friends and known some other women who were overweight and had multiple healthy pregnancies. I wasn't that lucky. I also know some women in good shape who had preeclampsia. It used to be if you had preeclampsia that you were advised not to have more children. Doctors didn't know if it would happen again. The majority of preeclampsia births occur in a first or last birth. I can see why! If a woman goes through it the first time, she may not want to risk it again. And if she already has a child or two, and it happens the second or third time, she is probably done anyway. And if it not, the experience is enough to keep her from risking it again when she already has 2 or 3 kids. Plus, the risk increases with age. But the OB told me that only 12-15% of women who had preeclampsia with a first birth experienced it in a later birth. Those are good odds. So basically, I am giving myself 5-6 months to lose some weight. Please keep us, and this future pregnancy and child in your prayers. Pray that God works it out according to his will. And that the baby will be healthy. We thank you in advance.

After the birthday post

So I failed. After being good, and writing twice last week, it has been more than a week since I last wrote. But, in my defense, we have had a wonderful week celebrating the birth of an amazing child! I promise to be better this week!

Josh's birthday was here and was absolutely great! It was everything I expected it to be and so much more. When I woke up this past Monday and thought about his birth, I found myself crying. He is such a special boy and I cannot imagine life without him. In some ways I can't believe it has been a year, but in other ways it feels like we waited forever for his first birthday to get here.

Monday was a great day. We didn't do much of anything special, since we were waiting to have his party yesterday (Saturday). It was hard planning his party since the two days before his actual birthday encompassed Halloween celebrations. I did make some cookies for his birthday, and we shared them with him. I didn't want him to have cake before his first birthday party. Monday we spent the day being thankful for our little gift from God. It was great just to spend time with him and tell him how much we love him and how special he is. He got to see both sets of grandparents on his actual birthday.

Tuesday was his doctor's appointment. He is off all medication except for allergy medicine, which he appears to take after his mom and just need it seasonally. No signs of asthma, which we have been watching for. We are off formula! And we will be weaning him off the bottle soon. Then it's time to wean him off the pacifier. Josh's soft spot is closed. He has 8 teeth. He weighs 23 lbs and 4 oz and is 30 inches long, so not a lot of growth since last time. He had to get 5 shots and a finger stick. He was not a happy camper. The doctor gave us the go ahead to start giving Josh a good bit more people food. We are so pleased with his progress! God has taken care of our little boy! It's a miracle that there are absolutely NO SIGNS of our baby being a preemie anymore! Looking at him you can't tell he was a preemie. And he is not behind in anything. The doctor is not worried that Josh isn't walking yet, either. Most boys don't walk before a year, plus Josh is technically only 10 1/2 months old. And also, Josh's cousin did not walk until he was 14 months old.

Yesterday was Josh's first birthday party! He had a great time. We celebrated with just close family. He got a lot of nice gifts. This little boy is so spoiled! He hs so many toys and books. He loves them all! And he has a lot of nice new clothes! I love that he is at the age where we can give him clothes and he doesn't care! We had some great food, and the decorations were cute. I appreciate everyone who helped us with the party, and made his day so special. Josh had a Sesame Street cake, and a separate little cake for him to destroy. He was so precious when he was playing with his cake. Josh is funny about getting messy. He really seems to hate it. He didn't know what to do with his cake it first. Then he touched it a little, but he was unsure. Then he got into it a little more. And finally started to try the icing and the cake. He really didn't get that messy. And he hated the icing on his hand! I forgot to mention that he looked at us like we were crazy when we sang Happy Birthday!

His first birthday week was a lot of fun. And it was much needed for Mommy and Daddy. We especially needed his birthday party. It was time for us to celebrate after everything we have been through. We will be celebrating on December 10, too. That will be one year since Josh came home. It is sad to think my little munchkin is one year old, but I am happy for all the things that are to come!