Josh isn't a baby anymore

It truly is heartbreaking the day you realize your first child (and probably any child) is no longer a baby! Matt and I are at that point with Josh. He isn't a baby anymore, and it's sad. My little man is trying to walk. He crawls and scoots all over the place. He has 8 teeth and is getting another. Josh talks like crazy, He has about 11 - 12 words and phrases, or attempted words and phrases he says. Josh claps when he does something new. He explores new things. And his diet is now consisting of some real milk and more and more real people food with each new day. Definitely not a baby anymore. He is becoming a little toddler now. To watch him learn, say, and do new things makes me so proud, but it is also bittersweet. Does he have to grow up so fast? And this little monkey loves to assert his independence. He is stubborn and determined, and he throws some good temper tantrums. Now if only we could get him potty-trained, we really would have a little adult on our hands! I am only joking, I know it takes longer to potty train a boy. So we probably have 8 - 10 months or a year before we start that.

I imagine with different moms there are different feelings about when your child grows up. And different moms probably handle it in different ways. I am sure there will be times where I can't wait for Josh to reach the next stage of his growth and development. But I don't want to rush him growing up. And right now I am not liking going into the stage of toddlerhood. I wish I could just keep him as my little baby right now. I long for the days where I can rock him, snuggle him, feed him a bottle, and play with his hair. He is already getting to the point where he doesn't like to be held like a baby anymore! These days are leaving us much faster than I would like them to!

So how am I handling it? I have baby fever on the brain. Matt and I are not talking about trying right now, but that day is fast approaching. In some ways I am kind of surprised I am visiting this thought right now, but in other ways I am not. I did not have baby fever when I got pregnant with Josh. In fact, I was on birth control. I spent a large portion of my pregnancy scared. And I cried when I told my mom. It wasn't a good cry. I did not cry because I was so happy; like a woman who had been trying forever. My cry was more in sync with a teenage girl who has to tell her mom something like that. I felt so unprepared. It wasn't planned. I had only been married three months! I was still in school! I didn't have a full time job! So many worries. But God took care of it all. Now that I have Josh, I can't imagine life without a child. And I don't know how I got through without him!

I can see why I want another child. I also think a pregnancy will be much different trying to have a child, and actually already having a child. It seems like it will be much more enjoyable. But I know there are some thoughts on why I am surprised I am entertaining the idea of another child now. I have always been sort of a snob about having my kids spaced "just right." I never in my life thought I would be thinking about having a second child right after my first child turned one. I recognize that some of the idea could just be because Josh turned one. But overall, I think Matt and I are ready. And Josh would be a great big brother!

But some things have to happen first. One, we will definitely not be getting pregant (unless God has other plans, again) until after the first of the year. Two, in case anyone is unfamiliar, Methodists move their pastors around. I want to make sure I am not moving before I consider getting pregnant next year. I think it would be rude to go to a new church, work and get to know the people for four months, and then take my 2 month maternity leave. I should have an idea if I am moving around March or April. Three, I don't want a baby before Christmas, or even in the month of December at all. I was terrified and disappointed when I learned that Josh's due date was December 15. Too close to Christmas. So with all of that said, April or May would be the earliest we would probably start trying. April would put us due in January. Josh would be 2 years and 2 months. Sounds perfect to me! I don't want Josh to be under 2.

If we allot some extra time considering my first pregnancy, and realize that a baby could come early, we may not want to try before May. I am not anticipating or wanting another baby to come early. But that is another reason for waiting awhile. I want to lose some weight before I try again. I had preeclampsia with Josh, and if anyone knows anything about it, your chances increase with weight, and several other factors. My weight was my only risk factor. It also increases with age, race, and certain health conditions. I have a few friends and known some other women who were overweight and had multiple healthy pregnancies. I wasn't that lucky. I also know some women in good shape who had preeclampsia. It used to be if you had preeclampsia that you were advised not to have more children. Doctors didn't know if it would happen again. The majority of preeclampsia births occur in a first or last birth. I can see why! If a woman goes through it the first time, she may not want to risk it again. And if she already has a child or two, and it happens the second or third time, she is probably done anyway. And if it not, the experience is enough to keep her from risking it again when she already has 2 or 3 kids. Plus, the risk increases with age. But the OB told me that only 12-15% of women who had preeclampsia with a first birth experienced it in a later birth. Those are good odds. So basically, I am giving myself 5-6 months to lose some weight. Please keep us, and this future pregnancy and child in your prayers. Pray that God works it out according to his will. And that the baby will be healthy. We thank you in advance.